Shame on Me!

All that ranting about the nephew -- and he wasn't even here at ALL this weekend. Seems he came in the middle of last week BECAUSE he was going to go to Mississippi to visit his dad over the weekend. So, now I feel kinda bad about the ranting I did. But in reality, I desperately needed the peace and quiet. So, while I feel a *little* guilty, my utter relief at having a weekend without teeth-grinding and tongue-biting far outweighs any negative feelings I may harbour. Have a terrific week, now. Ciao!

Bad Attitutde (The Frustration Factor)

Where do I start? Living with my in-laws and holding a full-time AND a part-time job so that my husband--sober now almost 2 years--can attend college full-time (looking at a Spring '08 grad date, now, HOORAY), is stressful beyond what I can possibly tell you in this venue. But it gets better! My hubby's sister is an alcoholic who lost custody of her son last fall. So, my 12-year-old nephew was placed in custody of his dad. Dad is a construction worker who travels up and down the Gulf Coast, and he's gone much of the time, so stepmom is basically raising nephew right now.

Anyway, in the beginning, he spent most weekends here--in this house, with my in-laws and my husband and me. Which was okay, it ratcheted up the noise level (and the stress level!) considerably, but he IS 12, and it was only for two nights--right? Friday and Saturday, then he went home on Sunday. Then, it crept up somehow to Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Every week. *SIGH*

Last night, Wednesday night, at 8:30 (!) his stepmom called and told my mother-in-law that her daughter was spending the night at a friend's house and nephew was begging to come over here. So, now, it's Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Did I mention he takes medication for ADHD???

Sure, it's just for this week. (YEAH, RIGHT!) And I do kinda feel sorry for the kid, his mom's a flaked-out alcoholic with co-dependency issues and his dad is off working most of the time...

But, with all the other pressure, tension, and stress in my life, if THIS becomes the norm, I may have a stress-related psychotic episode.

Yeah, my attitude's bad--What about it????

Crazy Busy, But Content

The way I see it, if I get to post once each month, I'm doing alright. It's been SO-O-O crazy busy, at work and at home, that I literally collapse into bed every night at 9 p.m. and get up moving at full speed every morning at 5 a.m.

But things are running so smoothly now. This all just feels right.

Oh, I'm still working two jobs and still living with my in-laws while my husband attends college full-time, but he is getting close to having a certification in Phlebotomy (part of his Clinical Laboratory Technician program) that will allow him to work part-time doing the blood draws ordered by physicians. When he finishes that at the end of May, he will try to get a weekend or evening position and I plan on turning in my notice at my part-time job during the early part of the summer.

Won't that be so fine??

We will continue to live with his parents until he actually gets his Associate degree next year, and then we will try to look for our own place or maybe look into getting a mobile home to put on our 4 acres.

Daughter is doing well in college, and made the Dean's List last semester! Hooray!

Sister-in-law appears to have stopped drinking and seems to realize that she must get a job and prove that she can provide stability if she is ever going to have custody of her son, again. So far, it's all been talk. Note the emphasis on appears and seems. We shall see....

So, life goes on at its crazy, breakneck pace, but I feel at peace with things right now.

Arrivederci!

The Passage of Time

Here it is the beginning of the second week of February. Where the hell did January go? I can't believe how fast time is passing. I was told (warned?) that the older I got, the faster it would seem time passed; but gosh, they didn't tell me that by the time I hit 45 I would be traveling at warp speed!

But while time seems to be rolling by at a positively alarming speed, I feel very much like I am treading water. It seems like I have been treading water for YEARS--I am so utterly exhausted all the time. This month marks a whole year that I have kept up with two jobs. I am tired, just so tired. But I have to do this for my husband to continue to attend college, so that when he finishes, we can finally move out of his parents' home and ino one of our own again. It WILL be worth it.

I really must try to swim over to the shore and rest some, in the future. And update this silly blog more often. And, didn't someone once observe that "time flies when you're having fun"? Maybe that's really what is happening. I'm just having so much fun, that more time is going by than I realize!

Yeah, right.

HAPPY (BELATED) NEW YEAR!

Happy 2007!

Okay, I'm a couple weeks late. "Resolutions?", you ask. And my first impulse is to ask why anyone should make new year's resolutions?! But then, that thought strikes me as rather cynical, so I decide that resolutions are not really such a bad thing. It's all about reflecting on the year past, admitting what could have been done differently, and setting new (achievable) goals for the coming year.

So, with that thought in mind, here are my resolutions:
1. Practice patience. I am not a patient person, by nature. I am a demanding perfectionist. My husband calls me a "Type A" and tells me I am going to have a heart attack if I don't learn to relax.

2. Forgive. This one's going to be tough, because so much of my adult life has been spent regretting bad decisions that I now feel angry, bitter, and resentful a lot of the time. I have to get past all of that to move forward, don't I? ("Forgetting"--as in forgive and forget-- is not included at this time. Someone once said "History forgotten is history repeated". Not going to go there, I'm just not, but I can forgive.)

3. Be myself. I have spent a lot of my 45 years being who other people needed or expected me to be. I have to be honest with others and myself about who I am.

4. Stay clean and sober! And support my husband in that, as well. We have made some amazing strides this year and only by staying sober can we maintain the momentum!

You will note that I have absolutely no goals to "lose weight" or "get in shape". Yes, I am overweight; and, yes, I need to exercise. But I'm HAPPY right now, in spite of having two jobs and still living with my in-laws, and I think I would be adding to my stress load to add lofty self-improvement goals to my list.

Happy New Year to All.

Arrivederci!

Peace...The Update

Lately, this blog seems to be less about me and more about my screwed-up sister in law.

My peace this week, visiting my family in Houston has been slightly marred by yet another of my alcoholic sister-in-law's serial crises. Christmas night, she started vomiting blood and by the day after Christmas (the day we travelled to my dad's house), she was bleeding rectally as well. Her ex-husband took her to the hospital in Jasper, TX. We talked about postponing our trip, but decided to go on, because we didn't really have any hard information about her condition.

She was rushed to the hospital in Beaumont, where she was admitted, and treated for multiple bleeding ulcers and a perforated esophagus, caused by chronic alcohol abuse. They stopped the bleeding and are now treating the ulcers and other problems, while she lays in bed stoned on tranquilizers to keep her from having severe DT's while she de-toxes. She is out of danger for the moment...but they have told her that if she continues to drink, she will be dead in less than 2 years.

On a happier note: I got to spend the entire day yesterday with my dad, husband and daughter in Galveston! We rode the ferry, and walked on the beach. The day was slightly overcast, but not raining and the temps were in the lower 60's. Not a bad day at all! We also ate a fabulous Mexican dinner at Salsa's Restaurant. I had a wonderful time and took some real "keeper" photographs.

Peace is an elusive goal, but maybe it is a relative concept.

Ciao!

Peace....AT LAST

Christmas was not without its glitches, but at least there were no major conflicts or confrontations. We only had 6 people staying in the house, but a total of 14 spent Christmas day with us.

My sister-in-law arrived on time, much to everyone's astonishment, and stayed fairly sober throughout the day, again, to everyone's amazement.
There were, however, a few occasional tense moments, (she made some comments that I could have easily made an issue of, but I chose not to), and all things considered, Christmas went well. (WHEW!)

Now, I am in Porter, TX (about 40 miles N. of Houston) to spend a week or so with my dad and brother. And finally...Peace. It is so quiet here.

Hope everyone has a splendid and safe New Year!

Arrivederci!

Peace on Earth (Or at Least in My World)

Here is my entire Christmas wish list: Peace. I just want everyone to get along. I want "Peace" and quiet. I want "Peace" of mind. And yes, Peace on Earth would be nice, too.

Sister-in-law is still strolling around in the clouds, but she's planning to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day here with her parents, my husband and I, our daughter, and her son. There will be 7 of us (Count 'em: SEVEN) in a two bedroom house, where the living room has been modified to form a third (my and my husband's) bedroom. I just hope she can hold it together long enough to get through Christmas. She seems to be drinking less, but I won't even speculate that she has her drinking "under control". GMAC came to the door hunting her the other day--remember that she and her then-boyfriend flipped her not-yet-paid-for car, the one on which she had let the insurance policy lapse. She has yet to mention this issue to anyone. Right now, she's obsessed with spending her last paycheck on Christmas. No mention of when she might work again to try to get custody of her son, or what she will do when this money is gone... but that's not my problem in any way, shape or form, is it??

God help us all, when she gets here.

Daughter and husband made most excellent grades on their final exams: Daughter made 4, A's and one B, Husband made 4, B's and one A. (Not bad for a 43-year-old man who'd been out of school for more years than he wants to admit.)

I betcha this is gonna be a Christmas to remember. I hope I have time to update here afterwards.

And I hope I can find at least one of the kinds of "Peace" I have been wishing for!

Later.

Thankfulness

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity . . . Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities.

Where do I begin??? Truly, the last couple of weeks have been both the best and the worst of times. My sister-in-law is so far gone...she was arrested twice in a three-week span for public intoxication. The "friend" she was staying with called her parents and asked them to come get her. They said they would only come get her if she would agree to go into treatment for her alcoholism. She agreed, so they made the 6-hour round trip to get her home. She was a mess. She hadn't bathed in several days, and she had stopped eating. She was so weak, she had to be supported to walk to the car and couldn't get out of the bed by herself when she got here. It was really awful. But the next day was Thanksgiving, so she wouldn't be able to check into a treatment center until after the holiday.

Thanksgiving was fairly pleasant. My daughter was home from college, and she always loves to make the dressing to go with the turkey. My mother-in-law bakes the turkey, and I usually make most of the side dishes, including--of course--cheesecake. My in-laws go get my father-in-law's mother out of her
nursing home and bring her here for dinner. We had a really nice meal. It was actually better than I expected. (Sister-in-law stayed in bed most of the time...but we did get her bathed...and yes, she stayed a little drunk. We let her drink some, just to keep the DT's at bay. We knew we were not going to be able to deal with that. When she did get up, she laid around on the floor most of the time, making random unrelated comments to anyone in earshot) But all things considered, Thanksgiving was really nice.

So, the next day was the day sister-in-law was supposed to go into treatment. She refused to get up. Wouldn't take a bath. Finally had to be physically put into the car. She slept the whole trip (about 1 1/2 hours) and then was able to get out and willingly go in under her own power.

In about 6 hours, she was so agitated that they allowed her to call someone to come get her. (Our mistake--we didn't get a coroner to declare her a danger to herself, so they couldn't lock her down and make her stay.) She didn't call us for two days to let us know where she was staying. And so, she is with another "friend", not working or even thinking about working. Not even asking about her son, of whom she lost custody this week.

And we have all just decided to move on. We think about her everyday, but we can't even have her committed against her will unless she comes back here, so we go on about our business. And pray a lot.

There is other really terrific news, though! Lots of it! My husband officially completed his drug program and probation successfully. He will have his convictions removed and will be able to get his laboratory technologist certification when he finishes school next summer. He will be able to vote, again, and get his guns out of the pawn shop! And when he starts working, we can start looking for a place. Hooray! Life is good.

And more good news! My daughter has broken off her relationship with the 33-year-old man from Illinois. Praise God! My prayers have been answered. And she was recently elected as the treasurer of her campus chapter of Sigma Tau Delta. She's made plans to go visit her (male) friend in Arkansas after finals, and they are going to go see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra in concert. (Him, I approve of. He's a year younger than she is, and a music major in college. A really nice, young man.)

So, for these last small successes I am profoundly thankful!
And now you know the "Rest of the Story" (Paul Harvey)

"Stumble Upon" and Other Random Stuff

My daughter has introduced me to the neatest thing..."Stumble Upon". It's a free toolbar (*groan*) that works with either IE or Mozilla/Firefox, takes less that a minute to download, and takes you to random websites when you click the "Stumble" button, based on your preferences as determined by questions you answer when you install it. After each stumble, you are given an opportunity to rate each site as "I Like It" (Thumbs Up) or "No More Like This" (Thumbs Down), and my daughter says to do this after every stumble, because it gets better at finding sites you will enjoy each time you rate a random site. It's quite habit forming....and it solves the problem of what to look up when you just want to "surf the 'net"!

And in a completely unrelated matter: My 19-year-old daughter is having her first real conflict with her 3 apartment mates. Her boyfriend (the 33-year-old, of whom I disapprove) wants to come visit for the Thanksgiving break. They would only be staying at the apartment for a couple of days, until her classes end for the break, then she would be bringing him home. In the beginning they had agreed not to have boyfriends overnight at the apartment, but the girls made an exception here and one there, but now that it's my daughter's turn, they are all against it. In principle, she should be allowed the same "exception" as the other girls. They don't like him, though, because he is so much older. One girls says he "smells like smoke". I don't know what to tell her. I don't like him either, although, in all honesty I have never met the man. My objection is strictly because of their age difference.

So now what?

It Begins

Today, it's not about me. Not directly, anyway. My sister-in-law has been in the hospital, now, for about 4 days--drying out, de-toxing, whatever you want to call it. She has been sedated at times, when the DT's got too bad (she was trembling, seeing things, and talking out of her head), but seems to be pulling out of it now.

And so, it begins.

Getting off of alcohol (and anti-anxiety drugs, tranquilizers, etc.) will just be a small part of her personal battle. She still has to come to terms with her addiction. As we all know, that's going to be the biggest challenge she will face. It will mean she can NEVER again do the things that she has done for her entire adult life "for fun". It will most likely mean that she can never "hang" with the old crowd, again. It did for us. She has finally agreed to go into an inpatient facility to learn to deal with the disease she will have for the rest of her life.. She may go as early as tomorrow, and will be there a minimum of one month--longer if they feel she needs it.

And when she is discharged, I have a strong feeling that the weight of what she has done will come crashing down on her. She has lost custody of her son, crashed and totaled her car (with no insurance--she had let it lapse), doesn't really have a job to come back to, and she will be facing bankruptcy, a lawsuit by the auto loan company to recover what she still owed on her car, and plenty of other financial crises (like child support payments, if her son's father is awarded permanent custody of their son at the hearing scheduled for later this fall).

And no one is talking about it yet, but she will be living here. With her parents, her brother (my recovering husband) , me, and occasionally my college-student daughter. And at some point may have court-ordered visitation with her son

Do the math: There will be five us in a three bedroom house, and occasionally as many as seven.

It going to be quite a challenge for all of us isn't it???

Three Beautiful Things

You have to check out this blog...Three Beautiful Things. (http://threebeautifulthings.blogspot.com). It is being featured as one of the "Blogs of Note", and I was so amazed that I decided to include a link on my page.

It reminds me that all is not hopeless and that there IS a light at the end of my tunnel! I will visit this one often...

Whining?

Is it whining? (And, as such, a sign of weakness?) Or is it venting? (And, therefore, therapeutic) Is there really a difference?

I am still struggling with the facts of my life: I live with my in-laws because my husband was arrested for drug possession in April, 2005, and I couldn't support myself on just my earnings. He went into treatment for his addiction, which was tremendously successful--a year and a half later, he is still clean and sober, but his court-ordered treatment is continuing, which is a good thing. He qualified for services through Vocational Rehabilitation (Drug addiction is a disability!) and is at this moment a full-time student pursuing an Associate degree, with all of his tuition and books being paid for by Voc. Rehab! However, he spends between $500-$600 a month in gasoline, going to and from the campus--a 90 mile round trip everyday. So I also have a second, part-time job to help with that. I can pay all our bills--car insurance on three cars, cell phone bills, one credit card, storage unit rental, medicine (probably our biggest expense with no insurance!), and help some with groceries, but not pay rent and utilities.

Okay, so those are the facts. As I said--I'm struggling with that, but, I am dealing with them, and that's not what I feel like "whining" or "venting" about.

It's my sister-in-law. She was denied a teaching contract in May, due to excessive absences (caused by alcohol/drug problems). Moved to another town and was able to find a job there. Then she started missing work, again, and missed so much that she was placed on administrative leave. She was offered another position--not teaching, but at least it was a job. She lost custody of her son, because of some things that happened when she and her drug-addicted husband separated. Then she lost this job, too, due to missing work. (Is this her second? Or third?) Last week, she flipped her car. And her insurance had lapsed.

So she has no job, no son, no car. And still she is blaming her parents (for their child rearing shortcomings), her ex-husband, etc. She still hasn't admitted her role in what has been happening. Her life is in shambles--and it's no one's fault but her own.

And this affects me how, you ask? In two weeks, her rent will be due. She won't be able to pay it. Her parents are only willing to help her if she will seek treatment for her addictions. But if she does accept their offer, she will be moving in with them/us. I find myself feeling angry and resentful, when I know in my heart that she is sick. I don't want her here, upsetting our delicate routine. It has been perhaps the greatest challenge of my life to live with my in-laws peacefully for so long, but my husband is so close to being finished with his studies and his court-ordered rehabilitation...I just don't want to deal with her selfish, pity-party attitude. She has no concept of what her b**s*** is doing to her parents.

So, was this whining? Or venting? I don't have any close friends to talk with anymore, because they all continue to thrash about in the gutter of drug use. I jettisoned all of them. So, I use this avenue to "unload" and keep myself sane.

Does it work? Check back for updates....

"Fair" Weather!

The annual Fair opened last week, and the weather was actually quite pleasant. Check out that blue sky! Hurricane Rita smashed up the plans for the fair last year, so this was the first fair in two years. It was quite the event!

My husband was so enthusiastic, almost like a kid again. He and our daughter both had several days off from school, so they got to spend some quality father/daughter time at the fair (to ride ALL the rides) together. He and I went once, by ourselves, and then we all went together. It was really fun--a little expensive, since it was $3 apiece to get in and about $3 per ride (plus any food we consumed) but it was so great. And it reminded me how different our lives are than they were just a couple of years ago. I gave thanks to God for getting us through.

It was so much fun seeing all of the people we hadn't seen in years. You can really tell how life is treating people when you see them after a long period of time. I wonder what they thought of us and how we had changed?

The weather was so fine. Almost like I remember it from when our daughter was only 4 or 5 years old. It would be so cold at fair time that all the little ones on the floats in the fair parade would be shivering by the end. And they say "global warming" is a myth!

Well, it's back to the salt mines--so to speak-- for all of us today.

Arrivederci!

Hurricane Rita Revisited

One year ago, Hurricane Rita slammed into the Texas-Louisiana Gulf Coast and rocked my world. Most media outlets covering the anniversary of Hurricane Rita are focusing on the recovery efforts--very much ongoing in most places.

Today, instead, I find it therapeutic to revisit my memories of Rita's aftermath. I can still hear the roaring wind and rain of that night; it went on and on and on for many hours. I could hear the roof groaning under the strain. I slept about 2 hours, sure that the next massive gusts would take it off. But ever-so-gradually the wind slacked up, and weak daylight struggled through the cloud cover, and this is what we saw:


















We chose not to evacuate. And as bad as things were for us without power for seven days, we considered ourselves lucky--we never lost our running water or phone service.

And, all of the trees that fell missed the house. Others were not so lucky.

This contractor's trailer
flipped.
A storage shed. Everything
inside was intact. The walls
were just peeled off.



The (formerly) covered stage
at our local park.










This storm was "forgotten" by the national media outlets. Today, I choose not to forget.

The Good Weekend

I was way overdue for a good weekend, and this was it. My daughter came home from college (first time this semester) and seems so happy! She is still enamored of the older guy from Illinois, the one who has had some recent battles with drug use, but I have faith that God will bring her safely through this. She appears to be focused on having a successful semester and committed to putting her education ahead of any personal goals, right now. We had a really pleasant visit with her.

The other turbulence which has rocked our world in recent weeks seems to be calming somewhat. My sister-in-law is still really screwed up, but at the moment still has a job. Not the one she was hired to do, but a job. Her school board held an administrative hearing to determine what action to take and chose to remove her from the classroom for the rest of the year, placing her instead into an ISS (In-School Suspension) position. So she might still pull out of the nose-dive she has been in this past year. I'm not optimistic. And there is still the matter of Child Protective Services taking custody of her son and placing him in his father's home. But he (my nephew) seems happy , because he is getting to know a half-sister that he hasn't been able to spend much time with.

Tomorrow, it's back to the grind. Monday: Up at 5 am, work two jobs, come home, eat supper, clean the kitchen, check email, bed. Tuesday: same. Wednesday: same. Thursday: same. Firiday, however, NOT the same! Hubby and I have a ticket for a steak dinner, at which there will be drawing for $10,000. I went in with 9 other folkds at my office , so if we win we'll each get to bring home $1,000! But at the very least, we will have gotten a steak dinner out of the deal, right?

Ciao!

[dis-fuhngk-shuhn]

Can you say "dysfunction" ? [dis-fuhngk-shuhn]

When you look it up in the dictionary, there it is...my family photo.

My family had a long love affair with drugs. All drugs. Alcohol, pot, cocaine, crystal (meth), anti-depressants, codeine/pain meds. By the grace of God, almost all of us are now clean and sober. Except for my poor sister-in-law. She's the last one still in the steel-trap grip of addiction. But, she is just about to hit the proverbial "rock bottom", where she will finally find help.

Which is what has to happen.

My husband's parents blame themselves, since they were heavily into the "party scene" when my husband and his sister were teenagers. They even did some "swinging". So they beat themselves up a lot over the poor example they feel that they set. But they realized where the road they were on was leading and they turned themselves around. Both have retired now and are active in their church family.

My husband and I specnt many years in "pursuit of the perfect high", like "Baba Fats". (See http://www.banned-width.com/shel/works/high.html, for more into) Finally, he found himself trying to feed an insatiable addiction to painkillers--which eventually got him arrested. He went into an intensive inpatient treatment program and came out a new man. Clean now almost 18 months! We are still living with his parents for financial reasons, but he is doing well in college, looking forward to a new career as a clinical laboratory technician. Once he completes all the terms of his probation, his record will be expunged.

Sister-in-law....wow, what can I say? Her third marriage is ending as a direct result of her continuing involvement with alcohol and drugs, as did her two previous marriages. She lost her previous job, due to excessive absences...caused by, you guessed it, alcohol and drugs. And she is now on administrative leave pending a hearing from her current position, due to...wouldn't you know it?...alcohol and drugs. Her son has been removed from her home--yep, alcohol and drugs, again--but also because she let a convicted felon move into the house. And her husband cleaned out her bank account he left. So, she has no job, no son, and her money is about to run out.

Yeah, I'd say she is almost ready to ask for help. But will she take the help that's offered?? My husband's parents say they will only help her if she goes into the same inpatient treatment treatment program her brother went into. It's a real tough program, but by God, it works!

Did I hear somebody mention "dysfunctional"? That would be us!

Please remember us in your prayers.

Where Were You on 9/11?

I have seen so many websites asking for input about where people happened to be on the day terrorists brought down the twin towers of the World Trade Center in New York City, assuming of course that it was terrorists and not our own government, as is alleged by the conspiracy-theorists.

I was at the home of my best friend. I had left my husband (again) because I just couldn't deal with his being f***ed up anymore. I stayed with her a week or so and then went to a women's shelter for another couple of weeks. (I eventually went back to him, and the rest you know if you read my first few posts.)

I turned on her TV, it was about 7:00 am CST or so, and one of the towers was on fire. Regular programming had been suspended. I said "Hey, look at this. One of the twin towers is on fire!" Just moments later, a second plane had slammed into the other tower; and shortly after that, all hell broke loose. Both towers collapsed, killing thousands, other planes were hijacked and crashed. The United States entered a state of shock.

For the first time ever in history, all flights were grounded. Worldwide.

CNN will be broadcasting their 9/11 coverage on Monday. All of it. Uncut. As it happened.

Please watch. We need to be reminded of why we are in Iraq.

Where were you on 9/11/2001?

And Life Goes On

It's been about 3 months since I wrote. I almost feel that I have abandoned my blog. I still have both of my jobs; and in fact I should be going to one of them, now. I can set my own time to do the work I have to do, as long as it gets done today, which is a perk of this particular job.

The last three months have been full. My daughter was home for the summer, meaning that we had to go to Baton Rouge and empty her dorm room. And my husband successfully completed his second semester of college. Then daughter had to be moved into her off-campus apartment just a few weeks ago. And husband started his third (and hopefully next-to-last) semester of school.

And I worked, ate, and slept. Not necessarily in that order, of course.

Immigration Revisited

I received this information via email. Anyone who still pities the poor, underprivileged Mexican immigrants and thinks we should do all we can to help them needs to read this to understand how they treat Americans working in their country...

The following from a director with SOUTHWESTERN BELL in Mexico City.

I spent five years working in Mexico.

I worked under a tourist visa for three months and could legally renew it for three more months. After that you were working illegally. I was technically illegal for three weeks waiting on the FM3 approval.

During that six months our Mexican and US Attorneys were working to secure a permanent work visa called a FM3. It was in addition to my US passport that I had to show each time I entered and left the country. Barbara's was the same except hers did not permit her to work.

To apply for the FM3 I needed to submit the following notarized originals (not copies) of my:

1. Birth certificates for Barbara and me.

2. Marriage certificate.

3. High school transcripts and proof of graduation.

4. College transcripts for every college I attended and proof of graduation.

5. Two letters of recommendation from supervisors I had worked for at least one year.

6. A letter from The ST. Louis Chief of Police indicating I had no arrest record in the US and no outstanding warrants and was "a citizen in good standing."

7. Finally; I had to write a letter about myself that clearly stated why there was no Mexican citizen with my skills and why my skills were important to Mexico. We called it our "I am the greatest person on earth" letter. It was fun to write.

All of the above were in English that had to be translated into Spanish and be certified as legal translations and our signatures notarized. It produced a folder about 1.5 inches thick with English on the left side and Spanish on the right.

Once they were completed Barbara and I spent about five hours accompanied by a Mexican attorney touring Mexican government office locations and being photographed and fingerprinted at least three times. At each location (and we remember at least four locations) we were instructed on Mexican tax, labor, housing, and criminal law and that we were required to obey their laws or face the consequences. We could not protest any of the government's actions or we would be committing a felony. We paid out four thousand dollars in fees and bribes to complete the process. When this was done we could legally bring in our household goods that were held by US customs in Loredo Texas. This meant we rented furniture in Mexico while awaiting our goods. There were extensive fees involved here that the company paid.

We could not buy a home and were required to rent at very high rates and under contract and compliance with Mexican law.

We were required to get a Mexican drivers license. This was an amazing process. The company arranged for the licensing agency to come to our headquarters location with their photography and finger print equipment and the laminating machine. We showed our US license, were photographed and fingerprinted again and issued the license instantly after paying out a six dollar fee. We did not take a written or driving test and never received instructions on the rules of the road. Our only instruction was never give a policeman your license if stopped and asked. We were instructed to hold it against the inside window away from his grasp. If he got his hands on it you would have to pay ransom to get it back.

We then had to pay and file Mexican income tax annually using the number of our FM3 as our ID number. The companies Mexican accountants did this for us and we just signed what they prepared. I was about twenty legal size pages annually.

The FM 3 was good for three years and renewable for two more after paying more fees.

Leaving the country meant turning in the FM# and certifying we were leaving no debts behind and no outstanding legal affairs (warrants, tickets or liens) before our household goods were released to customs.

It was a real adventure and If any of our senators or congressmen went through it once they would have a different attitude toward Mexico.

The Mexican Government uses its vast military and police forces to keep its citizens intimidated and compliant. They never protest at their White House or government offices but do protest daily in front of the United States Embassy. The US embassy looks like a strongly reinforced fortress and during most protests the Mexican Military surround the block with their men standing shoulder to shoulder in full riot gear to protect the Embassy. These protests are never shown on US or Mexican TV. There is a large public park across the street where they do their protesting. Anything can cause a protest such as proposed law changes in California or Texas.

Please feel free to share this with everyone who thinks we are being hard on illegal immigrants