Sunday, October 15, 2006

Whining?

Is it whining? (And, as such, a sign of weakness?) Or is it venting? (And, therefore, therapeutic) Is there really a difference?

I am still struggling with the facts of my life: I live with my in-laws because my husband was arrested for drug possession in April, 2005, and I couldn't support myself on just my earnings. He went into treatment for his addiction, which was tremendously successful--a year and a half later, he is still clean and sober, but his court-ordered treatment is continuing, which is a good thing. He qualified for services through Vocational Rehabilitation (Drug addiction is a disability!) and is at this moment a full-time student pursuing an Associate degree, with all of his tuition and books being paid for by Voc. Rehab! However, he spends between $500-$600 a month in gasoline, going to and from the campus--a 90 mile round trip everyday. So I also have a second, part-time job to help with that. I can pay all our bills--car insurance on three cars, cell phone bills, one credit card, storage unit rental, medicine (probably our biggest expense with no insurance!), and help some with groceries, but not pay rent and utilities.

Okay, so those are the facts. As I said--I'm struggling with that, but, I am dealing with them, and that's not what I feel like "whining" or "venting" about.

It's my sister-in-law. She was denied a teaching contract in May, due to excessive absences (caused by alcohol/drug problems). Moved to another town and was able to find a job there. Then she started missing work, again, and missed so much that she was placed on administrative leave. She was offered another position--not teaching, but at least it was a job. She lost custody of her son, because of some things that happened when she and her drug-addicted husband separated. Then she lost this job, too, due to missing work. (Is this her second? Or third?) Last week, she flipped her car. And her insurance had lapsed.

So she has no job, no son, no car. And still she is blaming her parents (for their child rearing shortcomings), her ex-husband, etc. She still hasn't admitted her role in what has been happening. Her life is in shambles--and it's no one's fault but her own.

And this affects me how, you ask? In two weeks, her rent will be due. She won't be able to pay it. Her parents are only willing to help her if she will seek treatment for her addictions. But if she does accept their offer, she will be moving in with them/us. I find myself feeling angry and resentful, when I know in my heart that she is sick. I don't want her here, upsetting our delicate routine. It has been perhaps the greatest challenge of my life to live with my in-laws peacefully for so long, but my husband is so close to being finished with his studies and his court-ordered rehabilitation...I just don't want to deal with her selfish, pity-party attitude. She has no concept of what her b**s*** is doing to her parents.

So, was this whining? Or venting? I don't have any close friends to talk with anymore, because they all continue to thrash about in the gutter of drug use. I jettisoned all of them. So, I use this avenue to "unload" and keep myself sane.

Does it work? Check back for updates....

2 comments:

Andrew said...

"Unload" away!! Sounds like you have plenty of good reason. After all, it's your blog. If someone doesn't want to read it, they can always click away. I hope it all works out well for you. Good luck! ...and good luck to your husband in finishing his studies and staying on the straight and narrow.

Andrew
To Love, Honor and Dismay

S said...

I have no problem with venting or whining or complaining. That's what a blog is for isn't it?