So, last night, as my husband was coughing his head off, he commented that when he had a bad cold, the only thing that ever quieted the coughing was hydrocodone. It bothered me tremendously (and I said so) because he is a "recovering addict"--to hydrocodone. And I know that if he really wanted it, he could find it fairly easily. This morning, I was looking at Facebook, and I noticed that he had joined a group called "Allstars of Alcohol". I went slightly ballistic. Like in-the-outer-atmosphere-ballistic. I railed and ranted and screamed and then. . .
I realized that I am severely depressed. I am 46 years old. Still living with hubby's parents and working at two jobs, while he is finishing his Associate Degree. Something he should have done more than 20 years ago. He is talking about going to school for another 3 semesters, now, which would actually give him a Bachelor Degree. I hate to discourage him from pursuing his goals--and this is a good one--but I just don't know how much more I can take. I hate living here, even as I realize that I should be grateful for his folks' kindness and generosity.
His sister's 13 1/2 year old son is still here, and he is becoming a real jerk. I truly cannot stand the kid. My mother-in-law will not permit anyone to correct him except her--she feels that too many bosses is what made him so difficult to begin with. He is defiant, lazy, disrespectful and immature. She gently wakes him in steps every morning. First, open the door and call out to him gently. Then, turn on the hall light and shake him a little. Next, go ahead and turn on the light in his room and tell him it's time. About 5 minutes later, make him get up.
Then she TURNS ON HIS SHOWER WATER FOR HIM!!! And while he's IN the shower she lays out his clothes and puts his belt through the loops on his pants!
In the afternoon, when they are doing homework, she sits right next to him and says "Okay, now work this next one." For EVERY problem on EVERY page. He has never been made to work independently and cannot. Of course, it's because "his ADHD meds have worn off, and he can't focus by himself". Oh, and there are NEVER consequences for bad behavior, only "rewards" for the good behavior (*Sticks finger down throat. Gag. UGH!*)
So, now what? I am depressed, but my depression manifests itself (and always has) as irrational, seething, anger. Fury would be more accurate. I lash out and say absolutely hateful things that I actually mean at the time. Like...the only mistake I ever made was getting married. That kind of thing. That I would get a divorce, if I could afford one. That I'd be ABLE to afford one, if he (husband) just had a JOB. That I'm sick of living with his folks, while he chased his little juvenile dreams.
Yeah, I said all of that. But, this isn't helping. And I have 3 loads of laundry to get done.