It's All a Big Mystery...

Good Morning!

2011-07-23T06:41:00.003-04:00

Good morning! Up early, not sure why. I think it's that old paradox: When you have to be somewhere (work, etc.) your body rebels and refuses to cooperate. On your day off, your eyes will FLY open, even before your alarm usually sounds, and your body screams, "You're wasting your day off!" And instantly, I am fully awake and alert, with no hope of dozing off again.

Mine does that anyway. So, I've learned not to fight it...I just get up and start doing whatever pleases me, in my couple of hours before my spouse wakes up to join me. Which on this day was to play some rounds of my newest game addiction "Words with Friends"--a Scrabble-like game you play with one other person on an iPod or iPhone. Then to check in with my blog (I'm really going to try to do better at updating it) and then I will probably take my walk before it gets too stiflingly steamy outside!

This was a stressful week, but not miserably so. One of my co-workers was on vacation (the receptionist), so the rest of us that make up the clerical staff tag-teamed the front desk. Since school starts again on August 12, in about three weeks, I expect the pressure-cooker atmosphere to reappear. Right now, the stove is on simmer...work is busy, but not "hectic". That will change.

Hubby didn't get any of the jobs he interviewed for this week, so he is kinda down. I am doing my very best to keep him encouraged, though. Something's gotta give soon, in this economy, right??

And, this really made my week! My daughter is flying home for a long weekend! She will get here on August 11, so I have taken the day off on August 12. Her husband had to work, but he didn't mind her making the trip solo. Yay! We haven't seen her since April, although we talk on the phone nearly every day and keep up with each other on Facebook.

Hope this day is awesome for everyone....

Arrivederci!

The Abandoned Blog

2011-07-09T10:05:00.002-04:00

My poor blog has been abandoned. I can't even begin to describe how overwhelming it would be to try to recap every event from the past 18 months! My husband (clean and sober for many months, now) has been unemployed for around a year, now. So much for the achievement of going back to college to finish his Associate degree, right? He had a short stint in a temporary position, and was eligible for some unemployment as a result, but that ran out after just a couple of months.

My salary, however, is *almost* enough. We dip into savings just enough to get from paycheck to paycheck, but the student loans are seriously delinquent. *Sigh*

Still there is some joy...our daughter got married in October 2010, and moved with her husband to Daytona Beach, FL. She is so very happy, and when she's happy, the parents are happy, too!

The political scene is infuriating and the unemployment situation/economy is way beyond depressing; but I love my job, my husband and I are relatively healthy, my daughter is happy, and we have food to eat, cars to drive and a roof over our heads.

Couldn't ask for much more, could I?

Ciao!

Just FYI

2009-12-20T19:52:00.003-05:00

Just FYI: I got the promotion I had been hoping for, quit my part-time job, we moved out of my in-laws' home, rented one of our own, and my husband turned in his notice and moved back from Houston! (He now has six months' experience with which to begin job-hunting here in Louisiana.)

He isn't sure how he feels about being back just yet. He loved his job, but truly hated living in Houston. His daily commute was one hour in each direction. Because of the cost of gasoline, meals, and helping my dad with expenses, we weren't really saving any money. The experience will prove to be invaluable, however, so it wasn't for nothing.

My new job as the Executive Assistant to the Superintendent will be challenging. It's proving to be especially so, these first few weeks, since they have chosen not to hire for my previous position until after the first of 2010. Several of my co-workers are helping me, by assuming some of my previous data entry and filing duties. (They are so awesome.) Still, I am struggling to make sure I meet all of the demands of my new position, while ensuring that the most critical duties of the other position are completed. I am actually working more hours, now, than I was when I had two jobs! But, I have been assured that they will fill my previous position in January. I can do this....

And, woohoo! Our office is closed all week, and I took the three days off after Christmas for a total of TWO WEEKS OFF! I may regret it when I return (read: extra workload), but I won't think about that just now. I can sure use the downtime.

Ciao!

S. 773: The Cybersecurity Act of 2009

2009-08-29T20:12:00.003-04:00

This should scare the bejesus out of all of us. Be afraid...be very afraid.

Here is the text of a letter I sent to our Senators in Washington, D. C.: Mary Landrieu - D and David Vitter - R....

RE: S. 773, Cybersecurity Act of 2009, by Jay Rockefeller, IV, D - WV.

Excerpt from the Bill of Rights, the First Ten Amendments to the United States Constitution:

...I. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

It has come to my attention that Senator Jay Rockefeller, D - WV, has proposed a bill, S. 773, which would give the President of the United States authority to regulate internet traffic in times of national emergency. Were this to happen, it would be clear violation of the First Amendment to the United States Constitution.

While the founding fathers could never have foreseen the explosion of information that became available upon the development of the internet, they clearly were visionary in realizing that the ability to freely exchange information was crucial to the longevity of our fledgling nation. In addition, many of the history’s most profound humanitarian catastrophes were driven by the proliferation of government-generated propaganda. It is imperative that we, as a culture which champions personal freedom, avoid taking any action giving the government the power to regulate the free exchange of information.

This bill must not pass in any configuration. Please vote “NO” to S. 773

Ciao.

Random

2009-07-26T19:37:00.002-04:00

I feel tired and used up. Depressed. A shell of my former self. Nothing is as it should be. I am 47 years old and have been living with my in-laws for over three years. I busted my ass, working two jobs, so husband could finish his Associate Degree--which he did--and the thanks I get is for helping him achieve his dream is for him to start job hunting in HOUSTON!

I love my primary job. I have been working this job for over 10 years! I don't want to quit my job and move. It's the first job I have ever had where I have a real opportunity for advancement! I can't tell you how utterly beat down this makes me feel. I am on the brink of tears every minute...even now.

He knows how I feel. I have told him. He says it isn't that he doesn't care, it's just that there are no jobs for him in this area. Which may be true, but it doesn't make this any less painful for me.

Sound selfish?

Random Updates and Stuff

2009-02-22T20:23:00.002-05:00

It's been such a long time since I posted. Could be one of two reasons for this: 1) I no longer need to vent on such a regular basis, meaning that this blog has served its purpose, or 2) I am so overwhelmed that I have no idea where to start!

Actually, maybe it's a combination of both. Is that messed up or what?

Seriously, things are looking really good right now. My husband has taken a skills assessment and been on a series of interviews for a position with the City of Alexandria as an Environmental Technician. At the last interview they gave him a summary of the benefits and a job description. The mayor still has to sign off on it, but it looks like he may get the job!

My daughter will graduate in May. She is seriously beginning to freak out.

My sister-in-law "found her a place" and moved out, but she still hasn't found a job. Why would anyone rent an apartment before they have a stable, steady income with which to pay rent! Auuggghhh! She comes around some, and seems sober, but I don't spend a lot of time in that part of the house when she is around. It may seem a little anti-social, but I FEEL a little anti-social. I figure the less time we are around each other, the less chance there is that I will say something I will regret.

I am still working at both my full-time and my part-time job, but things are looking up, now. I am content, and even beginning to be excited about this job opportunity for Hubby. Living in Alexandria will mean I have to drive little over an hour each way to go to work, but I have 10 years with the school board that I am not going to give up. And, we might find a place to live that is between here and there...

Okay, that's enough for now.

Ciao!

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

2009-01-09T07:38:00.002-05:00

She is still here. (The sister-in-law who couldn't complete the rehab program.) She seems mostly sober, but sometimes over-medicated, and doesn't seem to have a plan of any kind. And I am, of course, still biting my tongue.

I know every family has its problems, but this one just seems so unbelievably dysfunctional, that I can't even BEGIN to describe it. My in-laws now have both of their 40-something children living back at home, and still have custody of their 14-year-old grandson, who is on medication for ADHD. My daughter has gone back to Baton Rouge to complete her final semester of college at LSU, so now there are only five adults, instead of six, but sister-in-law is sleeping on the couch. Not an ideal situation for anyone, but I actually have some sympathy for her.

On a positive note...Hubby had a job interview yesterday! He was so excited. He isn't going to be able to take the job, it is 45 miles away, one-way, and only pays $8.50 per hour so the commute would just cost too much. But he was very pleased with how it went, and knows that it is just a matter of time until he is able to start working. It's going to get better, I just know it is.

When I got back to work this week, my computer had bitten the dust. Completely. Not a tragedy, because I actually saved everything to an external hard drive, so no data was lost. The tech who came to look at it said to just order a new computer. (It had crashed two years ago, and they were able to resuscitate it.) The next day, guess what? My external hard drive wouldn't power on! SERIOUSLY, HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN??? Anyway, the hard disk itself was still usable, and they were able to save all of the data to an 8GB flash drive.

But, you can't make this stuff up and one day, I am going to publish my memoirs. It will be very painful, describing the addicted years, but I am certain it will be cathartic as well.

Buon Giorno, Arrivederci

...And a Happy New Year!

2008-12-27T07:55:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I all but abandoned my blog. I have been struggling to stay upbeat--not always succeeding--but managing not to post every whine and complaint. (Of course, that means huge chunks of time go by between posts...!)

Since I last posted: Husband graduated with his Associate Degree in Clinical Laboratory Science! The ceremony was a week before Christmas. My daughter was home from college, and the ceremony was really quite nice. (Daughter will receive her Bachelor of Arts in English: Writing and Culture in May 2009!) Money issues will prevent hubby from continuing in school for now, so he is going to concentrate on passing his state licensing exams in early 2009. Then he will be able to look for work, and if he finds something that pays pretty well, he may take part-time classes toward HIS Bachelor of Science degree in Medical Laboratory Technology.

Hubby's sister decided in early December to check herself into a drug rehab facility for drying out/detox and inpatient treatment for her alcoholism and drug addictions. She stayed only ten days (the amount of time to complete detox) and was told there was nothing else they could do for her, because of her poor attitude. Seems she called a staff member an ugly name--think, "female dog"--and refused to attend scheduled meetings. So, she is here because she had no place left to go. She is depressed and sleeps a lot, but she is still taking the meds they prescribed for her at rehab, so maybe they will help her get her equilibrium back. (But don't hold your breath.) We are all "walking on eggshells" around her for the time being, and deliberately avoiding asking the tough questions like: "Why didn't you feel that you needed to comply with expectations at the treatment center?" and the burning question on the tip of MY tongue: "So, what are your plans, now?" And, so far, she isn't trying to jump back into the "mommy" role for her 14-year-old son and seems content to let her mother continue to make most of the major decisions that affect him. When she decides to assert her parental authority again (whether the courts have actually restored that authority or not), it isn't going to be pretty.

So, right at the moment, there are six adults (me, hubby, our daughter, his parents, and his sister) and one 14-year-old in this house. Still and all, Christmas was really nice! Scaled back, of course, due to the tough economic climate, but the gifts are not the point, are they? We had a lovely steak dinner, with several additional family members attending, including hubby's 96-year-old grandmother! There were no major conflicts and a good time was had by all.

Today, we leave for Houston, for our annual stay with my dad and brother. We will celebrate the New Year with them, before coming home. This will be the first time our daughter won't accompay us. :-( She has made arrangements to fly to Florida to meet her boyfriend's family for the first time. (I knew this was coming, of course, but it doesn't go down any easier.) AND...I don't have to be back at either of my jobs until January 5, 2009!! Now, that's what I'm talking about!

Hope everyone has a New Year filled with awe and wonder! Ciao!

Nine Kinds of Hell

2008-11-08T21:38:00.002-05:00

Being married to a drug addict is nine kinds of hell. Even one who is supposedly recovering.

Right now, I am so angry, I am trembly.

My recovering addict husband has relapsed. Proof? All circumstantial. But our cell phone records show that he called a known pill dealer at 3:30 and 4:00 this morning. He was unreachable for about 8 hours. Finally, he called and asked where I was. (He had asked me to be at his place about dark.) I asked him why I couldn't reach him. He said he fell asleep. Wrong answer. I had campus police check on whether his car was in the lot. He wasn't home. He hung up on me.

I want out.

I stayed with him for the sake of our daughter. She is grown now. I stayed while he was in rehab, and I lived with his parents while I worked two jobs to make it possible for him to go to school. I'm done.

It's all very sad.

Ciao.

The Good American

2008-11-05T21:25:00.002-05:00

Like a truly patriotic American, on this morning-after, I am trying to find the good qualities in President-elect Obama, even though he was not the man I felt best qualified to lead the United States. For one, He is an outstanding public speaker, with much more polish and finess than John McCain. We need those qualities to repair our battered national image in the rest of the world.

Right now, that's all I can think of. Perhaps others ideas will come to me.

Arrivederci.

Better

2008-10-25T09:00:00.002-04:00

Okay, I'm better now. I'm in Alexandria, enjoying a MUCH NEEDED three-day anniversary weekend. The weather has been absolutely amazing; who in the world could stay in a blue mood with weather like this? The peace and quiet is awesome...truly healing.

Arrivederci!

Shades of Blue

2008-10-19T20:45:00.002-04:00

How appropriate that my layout is done in shades of blue.

The weather has been absolutely glorious...cool, crisp, invigorating, and the sky so blue it almost hurts to stare at it. Perfect. I need to live in a place where the weather is like this year-round.

Still, I feel depressed. I plod along day in and day out, doing pretty much the same thing everyday. Eat, sleep, work, work. And husband is doing pretty much the same thing everyday, too. Eat, sleep, study. There just doesn't seem to be any end to it, although I know that there is. We should be ecstatic about planning and attending the graduation ceremony at which he will receive his Associate degree. But it all just seems like a hassle. And it shouldn;t be that way.

And, our anniversary is Thursday, October 23. We will be celebrating 26 years of marriage. I know that he has class that day, so I have made arrangements to be off on Friday, October 24 and we will have a three-day weekend together.

I have been trying not to think about it.

Ciao.

It's Time!

2008-10-14T21:32:00.002-04:00

www.NationalPopularVote.com

If you believe, as I do, that the Electoral College must change (see my previous post), then PLEASE visit the website above. I had no idea that a movement to accomplish this was already underway!

It's the right thing to do. It's time!

Ciao!

The Electoral College

2008-10-13T08:38:00.000-04:00

First, happy birthday...to me! I turned 47 this weekend, and got to enjoy my husband, my daughter, and her boyfriend. It was a lovely weekend!

So, let's make this the year we abolish the Electoral College! This body is no longer needed, as we now have near-instantaneous worldwide information exchange. The President of the United States should be selected purely on the basis of the popular vote. The EC served a purpose when our popular vote had to be hand-carried across the country for inclusion in a national consensus. We should not continue to bind ourselves to this antiquated method of selecting our national leaders! In addition, it is designed to give more weight to votes cast in population dense areas--very unfair!

A movement to accomplish this must begin at the level of the people. Join me!

Arrivederci!

A Lovely Weekend

2008-10-06T21:03:00.003-04:00

I spent the whole weekend "elsewhere". I drove to Baton Rouge Saturday morning to attend the Louisiana Book Festival with my daughter, and then late that afternoon, I drove to Alexandria to spend the rest of the weekend with my husband! It was so nice. The weather was just fine and I had my tunes cranked up for the drives.

The Louisiana Book Fesitval was really quite amazing. Held on the grounds of the state capitol, here were vendors, book-signings, crafts, live music, authentic cajun cuisine, etc. And my daughter and I went up to the observation deck in the state capitol building--she said she had never been up there before.

It was really quite a lovely weekend!

Ciao...

Why Don't Kids Play in Attics Anymore?

2008-09-23T08:28:00.002-04:00

Why don't kids play in attics, anymore? (I realize that this is a most random rant.)

When I was young(er), I spent countless hours in our attic...digging through old photo, looking at old clothes, marveling over dishes or appliances from the past. And then there were the make-believe games we played and secret clubs we "founded".

Did you ever play in an attic?

Maybe kids don't play in the attic anymore because people are no longer storing things in attics. Now everyone has a storage building or room, or leases storage in a mini-warehouse type facility. Or just gets rid of old things periodically in a yard sale

It's really quite sad, isn't it?

Arrivederci.

Dry Ice

2008-09-19T08:37:00.002-04:00

Two hurricanes this month. Not good. Ike was more intense than Gustav, but neither one caused any real damage where I live.

My dad, who lives in Porter, TX, (about 50 mi. N. of Houston) got pounded by Ike. No damage to their mobile home, but now they are without electricity, water, and phone service. And one shed got crushed when a tree fell on it. They have given him a tentative date of October 5, for his power to be restored.

So, my in-laws have graciously invited him to come stay with us, in their motor home. At first, Dad (who is 74), said he would just try to tough it out, but yesterday he called to say he had changed his mind. Three weeks without any electricity/water is just too much. My brother will stay...he was told to report to work! (Apparently, Humble has power.)

Now, dry ice. I am aware that dumping dry ice into hurricanes would release CO2 gas into an already greenhouse gas-filled atmosphere, but would it produce enough of a cooling effect to weaken these potentially destructive storms a bit? I mean, they are already flying into and around them gathering data, couldn't they try something to reduce the energy they contain??
I believe that if it worked, it might be worth whatever miniscule increase in global warming occurs.

Gustav, Revisited

2008-09-06T12:57:00.003-04:00

To call Hurricane Gustav a non-event would be trivializing the reality of what actually happened.

With Gustav, we dodged a bullet. It was supposed to have hit our area point-blank. We ended up not even losing our electricity, and only received a couple of inches of rain! (They had told us to expect 10-15 inches!)

My daughter and my husband were in Baton Rouge for the first LSU game of the season (which was pushed up several hours, to 10:00 a.m.), then they left town and headed to Alexandria, to my hubby's apartment at LSU-A, which was supposed to have been far enough north to be out of the most violent weather.

Wrong!

Baton Rouge got pounded, and then Gustav drifted just a tiny bit north, which meant that Alexandria got hammered too! Hubby and daughter, who were in Alexandria when the storm hit, said that Gustav was to Alexandria what Rita was to our area in 2005. Not good. Alexandria received nearly 8 inches of rain. The power was out all over Baton Rouge and Alexandria, and Alexandria lost its water pumps all over town. They were actually down to less than half a day's worth of water at one point. (Ironic, isn't it, that an area can be almost out of water after 8 inches of rain?) Classes at LSU and LSU-A were cancelled for the entire week, but are scheduled to restart on Monday, 9/8/08.

Yeah, for us it was definitely a close call. If a mandatory evacuation had been ordered, instead of a recommended evacuation, we would have gone.......to Alexandria!! Gosh, I'm glad we stayed...and I'm glad the other members of the family came home AFTER the excitement!

Ciao!

Gustav: See You On the Other Side

2008-08-31T18:47:00.003-04:00

Every parish around us has issued a mandatory evacuation. Jeff Davis, Cameron, Allen, and Calcasieu. Hurricane Gustav will make landfall in South Louisiana in less than 24 hours.

We chose not to act on the "recommended" evacuation order. We will stay.

We stayed through Hurricane Rita in 2005. We were without electricity for seven days, but we never lost water pressure. It was really, really scary. I just knew that one of the oaks in the yard would fall on the house or the wind would just take the roof off. So loud...for so many hours. Trees went down in the yard, but none landed on the house and the roof stayed on.

So, why in the h*** would we stay for Gustav?? Couple of reasons. One reason is that Gustav is behaving differently than Rita. Gustav will come ashore a couple of hundred miles away in southeastern Louisiana and come at us from an angle (we are just a few miles from the Texas border on the west central side of the state). Rita came at us from due south, right up the Sabine River valley. Not a lot of land there to break the forward momentum before it hit us. And it was supposed to have hit Port Arthur!

And another reason, for me anyway, is that I want to come back when I get ready. When you evacuate, you have to remain outside the area until the authorities deem it safe to return. That might be weeks.

Also, we have two, big dogs and two cats. The dogs really don't get along, and the cats merely tolerate each other and the dogs.

So, we are staying. My daughter left Baton Rouge (AFTER the first LSU game of course) and then she and my husband--who had attended the game with her--both left Baton Rouge and went to his dorm/apartment in Alexandria, where they will ride out the storm. Today is my husband's 45th birthday. Happy Birthday, Dear!

See you on the other side!

Arrivederci!

100

2008-08-17T18:17:00.002-04:00

Happy 100th post to me! So, this is my first post since mid-July, and I have much to tell. So much, in fact, that it may turn into more post than I can stand at one sitting.

First: I PASSED! I have been trying to pass the new statewide notary public exam since June, 2007. I paid $700 for a notary exam prep course taught by an attorney from Lake Charles in early '07, and took the test three times--June '07, December '07, and June '08.

And I failed all three times. Yep, that's right. I failed all three times. No one from my class passed the first time. Some took it one more time. I took it on all three of the next test dates, and had decided that I would take it just one more time, in Dec. '08. Then, out of the blue, I got a call last week from the test administration agency saying they had revised the passing criteria and that my score now fell within the passing range. Can you say, "Oh, yeah!"? I really did it! My paperwork came in the mail yesterday, and I filled it all out and will start the filing process with the Clerk of Court and Secretary of State.

Second: Hubby has finished his Associate Degree in Clinical Laboratory Technology! He has applied for his provisional CLT License, and when that comes in he is going to start working part-time. (Part-time because he has decided to take a couple more classes this fall that he will need if LSU-A ever does implement a four-year degree program in Clinical Laboratory Science.
I am okay with that for now.)

So, I will try to be more expansive another time. For now....Ciao!

The End

2008-07-12T23:04:00.002-04:00

The End. Doesn't that seem like a funny way to begin? But "The End" is why I have been working twelve and thirteen hour days for two years. "The End" is where we have to arrive before we can start. "The End" is going to be the beginning...

We got my husband's billing statement from LSU-A today. He still has an outstanding balance of $60, but this bill includes a "DIPLOMA FEE"!

HOORAY! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...and it's not another train! (Fingers crossed, knocking on wood, etc.)

I won't have to be exhausted much longer...

Ciao!

Hands Down: The Best Concert EVER

2008-06-26T21:57:00.009-04:00

June 19, 2008
Baton Rouge River Center
Top: STYX
Bottom: BOSTON

Comment: Oh, yeah, they've all still got it, and they know what to do with it!!! Really awesome concert. Hands down...the very best concert I have EVER seen. (Last time we saw them was in 1997. My daughter was only 10 years old, and she never did stop talking about them!)

And that's all I've got to say 'bout that.

Oh, yeah, here's a couple of photos of us at the concert:

Husband and Daughter

Daughter and Me (It's a first! Probably a last, too.)

Buona sera!

The Concert: Styx and Boston

2008-06-19T13:26:00.003-04:00

Baton Rouge or BUST! Today is the big concert...Styx and Boston at the Baton Rouge River Center. My husband and I are taking our daughter to see possibly the two best concert bands of the 1970's. She was raised on their music, has several albums and mp3's, knows almost all their songs...it's going to be great. We have floor seating 25 rows from the front--we bought our tickets in April! (We all got to see Styx in Houston at the Woodlands Pavilion several years ago, but not with Boston!)

Soooo, we won't think about the car problems we have had this month. Long (very long) story short, we had to put over $1,000 worth of car repairs on our credit card. :-( All three vehicles needed something: we bought brakes (Hubby--$100, incl. installation), harmonic balancer, fuel injector, water pump (Daughter--$417, incl. installation), fuel pump, fuel system computer module, and fuel filter (Mine--$537, incl. installation). Unbelievable.

And on Friday, the 13th, as I was driving my father-in-law's car, because mine was still in the repair shop, HIS car broke down! (A switch in the clutch.) And after I called my daughter, who just HAPPENED to be in town, I locked the keys in his car! Really.

I am SO ready for this weekend away! You just have no idea.

Arrivederci!

21

2008-05-26T10:33:00.004-04:00

Nope, it's not my favorite poker game...it's how old my daughter will be on Saturday! Hard to believe.
She's already put me on notice that she's going to go out with some friends and "have a drink".

How do I feel about that?

On one hand, I know it won't be her first drink. (But it will be her first one to legally purchase.) I also know that she is a smart, responsible kid--MOST of the time.

But on the other hand, I know first-hand what drinking can lead to. And so does she. She's seen it in her parents and she's STILL seeing it in her aunt. So, how do I come to terms with the fact that she's going to have to deal on her own with the addictive tendencies that she may have inherited? I want so very much to spare her the horrors and indignities I endured.

Is that fair? Is it even possible? Why do I have more questions than answers??

Ciao.

Final Grades

2008-05-14T20:14:00.002-04:00

Two C's, two B's, and one A. Well my daughter passed everything AND kept her Honors award through the Louisiana Tuition Opportunity Program for Seniors. TOPS pays all of her tuition and depending on her grade point average, provides a cash stipend to help with other expenses. (There are plenty: housing, food, books, etc.) Because she had a 4.0 at high school graduation, she started college under the Honors award: tuition + $800/semester. She has kept this award level through all of her semesters so far, although this time it was by the skin of her teeth!

Louisiana doesn't do very much right, but TOPS is done right.

Hooray for the end of finals!

Arrivederci!

Happy Mother's Day...To Me!

2008-05-11T14:56:00.002-04:00

Happy Mother's Day...To Me! And to all other moms and moms-to-be out there. May you have a truly relaxing and pleasant day, today!

RE: Daughter and College. Well, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be for my daughter. She got all of her papers turned in but one (The instructors may take off points for being late, but at least they are accepting the papers.), and it's to be emailed before 5 p.m., Monday. She thinks she passed all of her classes. Her grades may not be up to what they have been, and certainly not up to her potential; but as long as she passed, I think I can live with it. She has promised that this won't happen again. It had better not!

And on another note. Mother's Day is turning out to be much less stressful than I had tthought it would be. My hubby grilled pork loin chops and we bought ready- made sides and dessert from Wal-Mart. Hooray! We have eaten, AND the kitchen is already set back to rights! And now?

NAPTIME!!! Yaaawwwwwnnnn!

Buon pomeriggio!

Angry, Sad, Upset, Depressed, Worried Sick

2008-05-10T08:01:00.003-04:00

The semester ended yesterday. It has not been a good one for my daughter. She feels fairly certain she failed two finals and, as of last night had not turned in an unknown number of papers that were due, meaning she may have failed two courses. I didn't become aware of how serious the problem was until about a week ago.

This is from a kid who graduated high school with a 4.0 average.

I chewed on her pretty good. Too late, I know, but this can't happen again. If she loses her TOPS award (the state pays tuition), it's going to be bad. I don't know how we can afford her last 3 semesters of college. She cried and said some hateful things, but I think I needed to say the things I did.

The problem? Boyfriend, of course. We met the guy at Easter, and he seems really good to her, but relationship maintenance takes effort. Effort that ought to have been directed at meeting the demands of her classes. Nothing is more important than that at this point in her life--not the need for companionship, not the need to relax---NOTHING. I want her to have a better life than I've had. Substance abuse issues aside, I have worked HARD all my life...this isn't the first time I have had more than one job. I once held THREE (a full-time and two part-time positions)! I never want her to have to live that way.

So, how do I get her back on track??? She is shutting me out, now. She is short with me on the phone, and only answers the questions I specifically ask. The whole deal has left me angry, sad, upset, depressed, worried sick.

And I don't know what to do about it. She'll be 21 this month, technically I can't TELL her what to do.
But she still depends on me to help manage her finances, and she's driving a car I bought with insurance that I pay for. Maybe that will give me some leverage?

Ciao.

Out of a Nosedive

2008-04-23T14:31:00.003-04:00

Whew! I feel like I am finally pulling out of a severe nosedive. My mood is slowly improving...I know in my rational mind that the "Serenity Prayer" should be my credo. I simply must accept the things I cannot change. And there are plenty of them...the situation with my nephew, my husband's mentality, the stressors of living with in-laws and working two jobs.

And so, I should continue to ask for the "Wisdom to know the difference", right?

(I still have these occasional "crashes", though, where I hate everything and everybody.)

I leave you, now, as I prepare to enjoy a rare afternoon nap...it's Secretaries' Day, and all the supervisors in my office agreed to let the entire clerical staff off for 1/2 day! They are even taking one-hour shifts at the receptionists desk! (I would LOVE to be a fly on the wall this afternoon.) I still have to go to my other job later, but I will be so-o-o-o-o-o rested by then!

Arrivederci!

What in the *&%! is Wrong With Me?

2008-04-20T11:52:00.002-04:00

So, last night, as my husband was coughing his head off, he commented that when he had a bad cold, the only thing that ever quieted the coughing was hydrocodone. It bothered me tremendously (and I said so) because he is a "recovering addict"--to hydrocodone. And I know that if he really wanted it, he could find it fairly easily. This morning, I was looking at Facebook, and I noticed that he had joined a group called "Allstars of Alcohol". I went slightly ballistic. Like in-the-outer-atmosphere-ballistic. I railed and ranted and screamed and then. . .

I realized that I am severely depressed. I am 46 years old. Still living with hubby's parents and working at two jobs, while he is finishing his Associate Degree. Something he should have done more than 20 years ago. He is talking about going to school for another 3 semesters, now, which would actually give him a Bachelor Degree. I hate to discourage him from pursuing his goals--and this is a good one--but I just don't know how much more I can take. I hate living here, even as I realize that I should be grateful for his folks' kindness and generosity.

His sister's 13 1/2 year old son is still here, and he is becoming a real jerk. I truly cannot stand the kid. My mother-in-law will not permit anyone to correct him except her--she feels that too many bosses is what made him so difficult to begin with. He is defiant, lazy, disrespectful and immature. She gently wakes him in steps every morning. First, open the door and call out to him gently. Then, turn on the hall light and shake him a little. Next, go ahead and turn on the light in his room and tell him it's time. About 5 minutes later, make him get up.

Then she TURNS ON HIS SHOWER WATER FOR HIM!!! And while he's IN the shower she lays out his clothes and puts his belt through the loops on his pants!

In the afternoon, when they are doing homework, she sits right next to him and says "Okay, now work this next one." For EVERY problem on EVERY page. He has never been made to work independently and cannot. Of course, it's because "his ADHD meds have worn off, and he can't focus by himself". Oh, and there are NEVER consequences for bad behavior, only "rewards" for the good behavior (*Sticks finger down throat. Gag. UGH!*)

So, now what? I am depressed, but my depression manifests itself (and always has) as irrational, seething, anger. Fury would be more accurate. I lash out and say absolutely hateful things that I actually mean at the time. Like...the only mistake I ever made was getting married. That kind of thing. That I would get a divorce, if I could afford one. That I'd be ABLE to afford one, if he (husband) just had a JOB. That I'm sick of living with his folks, while he chased his little juvenile dreams.

Yeah, I said all of that. But, this isn't helping. And I have 3 loads of laundry to get done.

Midweek Blues

2008-04-16T08:04:00.002-04:00

Well, Hell's bells. I was going to try to keep more of my postings on a positive note, but I don't' feel the need to get positive feelings "off my chest".

However, I would like to share that this past weekend was as close to a perfect weekend as I have had in a long time. My nephew--who lives with my in-laws and me--spent most of the weekend with his OTHER grandparents! They visited his dad and went to a festival in another part of the state, and seemed to have had a really nice time. And, my husband and daughter were both home. She even came without her current boyfriend. (I like him just fine, but I still enjoy having her "all to myself" now and then.) The weather was absolutely fabulous--and still is!

So, why the midweek blues? Monday, I started my period--complete with a monster headache--and caught a cold. I made the whole winter without one, and now that the weather is getting warm and summer-ish, I get a head and chest cold. (I had a flu shot, so I'm pretty sure it's just a cold.) The headache went away, but this cold and the other are kicking my butt.

And my blood sugar is all out of whack. I'm not even taking any cold medicine, so it can't be the "hidden" sugar. They claim being sick does that to diabetics, but it doesn't make it any easier.

*Sigh*

In The News

2008-04-09T08:34:00.002-04:00

Every major news outlet has had a story about teenaged girls videotaping a recent brutal beating of another female teenager. In all of the reports, the faces of those responsible have been blocked/blurred (except for the one 18-year-old), as they should be if they are underage. However, their parents are most assuredly of age, and I think we should be allowed to see just whose kids are capable of such monstrous violence. And aren't they RESPONSIBLE for the actions of their children?? I think if more parents would be held accountable, we'd see much less of this kind of thing.

(Yeah, I know that ID-ing the parents would be tantamount to ID-ing the kids.)

Arrivederci!

Hah! I Did It!

2008-04-07T20:41:00.001-04:00

I finally figured out the correct way to post links in my blog. (See previous post.)

Now, I know that isn't an earth-shaking event, but that little thing seems like an enormous accomplishment to me.

Hooray!

Seriously Stupid

2008-04-01T12:38:00.003-04:00

I can't even comment on the sheer stupidity here:

Botched Satellite TV Installation

Developments?

2008-03-29T09:19:00.002-04:00

The amniocentesis was ... I don't want to say it was a lie, but ... let's just say it may or may not happen. When I asked my sister-in-law when it was scheduled she said her doctor was not really going to "schedule" it, he was just going to "do" it afterhours one day, because he "knows her financial situation". So, anyway, I asked her how long she would have to wait for the results. She said, "Oh, I will get them right away". What a ditz. I looked the procedure up at www.mayoclinic.com and found out that they can determine fetal maturity from amniotic fluid immediately (and so determine a due date), but that real results about genetic or developmental defects takes up to 14 days. It didn't sound like something a kind-hearted doctor would do after clinic hours and without any support staff.

She is quite determined to keep the child, and has started talking about names, etc.

Privately, I don't believe she is pregnant. I think she is telling everyone this to jerk some sympathy out of her parents, who long ago lost any sympathy they felt for her. She won't even try to help herself, so why should they knock themselves out trying to help her? I figure that in a couple of months, she will tell everyone that she miscarried.

(I really must work on this cynicism.)

Arrivederci

Days of our Lives

2008-03-24T17:29:00.007-04:00

I wonder if I could tell my life story to someone for a feature film? Talk about plot twists . . . my sister-in-law is pregnant! Yes, the same sister-in-law who is 41 years old, is an active alcoholic/drug addict, has been unemployed and basically homeless for nearly two years, and who lost custody of her 13-year-old adopted son almost a year ago!

Now, she hasn't ruled out abortion, but she has always wanted to "experience pregnancy and give birth". This may well be her only chance, so I don't see her going that route. (She was told that scarring from pelvic inflammatory disease had made her permanently unable to conceive, so she has NEVER used any birth control and decided to adopt. Surprise!) Her parents are solidly against abortion, and would just as soon raise another of their grandchildren themselves as see her give the child up for adoption. If they went the latter route, they would be in their 80's when the child turned 20! And, this raises the spectre of my husband and I being called upon to assume custody should his parents' health fail.

Sis-in-Law is scheduled for an amniocentesis next week. After that, the debate might all be academic, depending on what the doctor recommends.

Hey, does anyone know how to contact "Days of our Lives"??

Ciao.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

2008-03-09T19:59:00.004-05:00

I see it! I see the light! The light at the end of the tunnel, that is. My hubby has finished his all of the coursework to become a clinical laboratory technician and starts his six-month long clinicals, tomorrow! He is so excited to (finally) be working in a laboratory again. He was happiest when he worked in a chemical laboratory many years ago, before the addiction and drugs destroyed everything. He always had in his mind to get back to a laboratory environment one day, but he wandered so far off course, that he just didn't know how. So, he will finally have his Associate Degree in Clinical Laboratory Technology when he has completed his clinical training. Hooray!

So, now it's time for me to thank all of the people whose intervention and support made this possible. First of all, thank you Vernon Parish Sheriff's Office. If you hadn't intervened in April 2005, he would be dead right now. Many of our friends didn't make it. You forced him to admit that he needed help, and then you offered him that help. And the Vernon Parish Drug Court Program/Ms. Kim--you never pulled any punches and you expected more of him than he knew he could give. He will never forget your support and kindness. Red River Treatment Center--Absolutely necessary, and not a pleasant place, but one that he still talks about to this day! You freed him from the grip of active addiction and gave him the tools that he needs to stay clean. And I can't forget his parents. Wow, you were there, always. You have let us live with you for the better part of three years, rent-free, while we get our lives back together. I have griped and moaned and been aggravated about having to live here, but I appreciate the opportunity, more than you know.

To everyone. Thank you. So, that's where we are.

Now. On to other (unrelated) things. I am SO tired of hearing about ObamaClintonMcCain. I truly used to enjoy watching the evening news programs, but I am not excited about any of our candidates for President, right now. I don't want to hear it. For the first time in my adult life, I am suffering from voter apathy. I don't know if I can make myself go to the polls in November. It is the dreaded debilitating condition known on some blogs as "Electile Dysfunction".

All I want to hear is what they plan to do about the high price of gasoline and illegal immigrants.

And they ain't talking.

Ciao.

Absolutely Gorgeous

2008-02-23T18:52:00.003-05:00

Today was absolutely gorgeous! So pretty...a blue cloudless sky, 70 degrees. Wow. Just took my breath away. I went to the park and walked around the walking trail, then I went to Wal-Mart and the grocery store. It was just so-o-o-o FINE.

And on another positive note...at work this week I got completely and totally caught up for the first time in about three months! I can't tell you how good that feels. Not that my job will be stress-free from now on, but it's a manageable stress. (I am, of course referring to my primary job, not the part-time one.)

Life is good...

Arrivederci!

The Long Day

2008-02-13T20:41:00.002-05:00

This was a long, long day. I was at work at 7:15 a.m. Then, beginning at 8:00 a.m., I had to attend seven (7!) discipline hearings, lasting between 30-45 minutes each, to take down the minutes. I had about 30 minutes for lunch. The hearings ended at 2:00 p.m., and I worked in my office for a couple of hours before I went to my 2nd job until 6 p.m.

I am so tired.

My husband bought me this calendar for Christmas called "The Calendar for Women Who Do Too Much". Here is what it said today, February 13, 2008:

Many women feel that, if they admit how tired they are, they will never get up again.

Hallelujah, amen.

'Nuff said.

Returning to Normal (Sort of)

2008-02-06T06:46:00.000-05:00

As my life returns to normal--sort of--I feel relieved and even content. Normal, of course, for me is living with my in-laws (Still!) and working two jobs while my husband finishes college, which might be this December!! At least that's my normal for the last couple of years. And before that...well, let's not go there.

The last few months have been a pressure-cooker/roller coaster. At my primary job, I was covering for the superintendent's assistant during her recuperation from back surgery. Doing her job and mine, and doing neither one well. (In my opinion. My supervisors were very encouraging.) This co-worker is finally back at work, although right now just four hours a day. So, now I can work on getting some things caught up in my own office that were seriously behind. I feel like my stepping in when she was out will give me an edge for that position when she retires--which could be at any moment, she is 73 years old!

And my father-in-law, who you may remember was diagnosed with prostate cancer just before Christmas, had his surgery right after the New Year started. The pathology report indicated that the cancer hadn't spread anywhere else. Hooray! However, he is in the hospital right now with some digestive issues that may be related to his surgery, but they aren't talking another surgery right at the moment. *Fingers crossed on both hands*

Daughter is doing so great, right now. Enjoying all her classes, and being involved with things outside her classes and apartment.

Sister-in-law, whose son is in the custody of my in-laws, is still a flaked-out, drug addicted, alcoholic mess. From time to time, she talks about getting a place so she can work on getting custody of her son, but she doesn't DO anything about it, like get a job. *Sigh* I almost wish she could have the "hit rock bottom" exerience my husband (her brother) did. When he was faced with 5-10 years (or more) imprisonment--it was the catalyst for change in our lives. He spent a month in a residential treatment facility, then almost 1 1/2 years in outpatient counseling to get where he is right now. It saved his life, I am quite sure, and I think that is what it is going to take to save hers. She is drifting, literally. Her "home" is a camper trailer parked in a mobile home park somewhere in Jasper, TX. She leaves her live-in boyfriend/ex-husband every so often and makes the rounds. She'll come here for an afternoon, then spend the next few days/weeks visiting this male friend or the other. Then she'll go back to Jasper for awhile. So very sad.

But, right now, I am feeling better than I have in a long while.

Ciao.

Randomness

2008-01-25T20:00:00.000-05:00

I really must try to post more often. I started this blog because it's cheaper than a therapist, and it has been truly cathartic. I know others are bound to grow weary of my ranting and moaning, but it would have eaten me alive if I hadn't managed to get it out somewhere. The last three or so years have been the wildest roller coaster ride you could ever imagine: drug abuse, arrests, husband in rehab, living with in-laws, having both my husband and my daughter in college full-time, holding down two jobs, living with in-laws who now have custody of their daughter's son, and now....taking up the slack for a co-worker at my full-time job who had back surgery--in November!! (Not necessarily by choice, but I would like to have that position one day, so I didn't mind.)

The pressure was unreal. I didn't know I could operate under that much strain. This co-worker has duties that include providing packets to all 10 school board members containing information to be discussed at school board meetings, printing and publishing agendas for the school board meetings, attending those meetings to take down the minutes, and then transcribing the minutes for distribution and publication!

All while I did my regular job: attending discipline hearings to take minutes, typing notices after each hearing, sending parent notices via certified mail and making sure all administrators receive copies. Enter W-4 and L-4 tax deductions and direct deposit info in payroll system for new permanent employees. Process applications for new substitute employees. Maintain substitute teacher lists for all 13 parish schools. Conduct background checks on all new substitute and permanent employees. Update job vacancies on the school board website.

And then there are the special requests. One board member wanted a 10-year history of discipline hearings: How many hearings for each year, and a breakdown by reason codes.

"Sure," I said, when my supervisor came to ask if I could gather the information.

Like I said, I didn't know I could withstand that much pure pressure! (And I still have my other job, two hours every evening doing homework with 4-12 graders and monitoring the computer lab.) But, HOORAY, my co-worker comes back to work on Monday! She will start with 4 hours each day, and work up to a full day as her doctor allows.

HALLELUJAH! Praise God! (And I mean that quite sincerely--He has seen me through some really tough times of late. I know what that single set of footprints in the sand means.) And I want to say "Thank you" to all of the ladies in my office who did the small, but time-consuming things like open my mail, make phone calls for me, and help me make folders for all of the new employees.

Ciao!

...And a Happy New Year!

2008-01-05T10:19:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year to everyone! We had a really pleasant visit with my dad and brother. We went with dad to Space Center Houston, he hadn't been in years and seemed to thoroughly enjoy it. We had turkey & dressing one day, Dad cooked pancakes for me one morning, and I fixed traditional blackeye peas and cabbage for New Year's Day. Hubby and daughter came home a couple of days before New Year's Day, I came back a couple days after. So peaceful and relaxing!
I didn't realize how badly I needed the downtime.

Christmas was great, too! We had no drama.

Now, I am back at work...at both jobs. My primary job at the school board office has gotten really...um, interesting? (Yeah, that's a nice way to say it.) The superintendent's executive assistant (who is 73 years old) had major back surgery in November, and won't be back at work until February at the earliest. Her day-to-day duties (such as opening the superintendent's mail, entering time and attendance data in the computer system, and typing routine correspondence) have been distributed among the central office secretarial staff, but I have volunteered to put together packets to mail to all school board members before each school board meeting, notify the area newspapers of upcoming meetings, publish and post agendas for the meetings, attend all the board meetings to take and transcribe the minutes, and attend the school administrator meetings for the same purpose.

I must be quite mad.

My actual duties of entering new employees into the payroll system, processing background checks, maintaining lists of substitute staff for all 13 schools in the parish, and attending all discipline hearings to take minutes and mail certified notices after each one, are really not getting done in a timely manner. But, both of my supervisor's are aware of my workload, which helps. But, I feel that by demonstrating my willingness and ability to perform the duties of the executive assistant, I will be giving myself an edge when she actually does retire. And she's 73! She is certainly entitled to retire any time now!

Stress? Oh, yeah, baby. You better believe it. I've come to realize that I actually THRIVE on it
Maybe my hubby's right...I'm definitely a Type-A personality.

Catch you later....

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2007-12-24T09:03:00.000-05:00

At t-minus 3 days and counting, here is my Christmas wish to all:
I wish you peace, joy, and prosperity (heavy on the "peace"). May your holiday be filled with family and friends. And, I hope everyone has a safe, memorable Christmas.

Now, for my Christmas story:
My sister-in-law and her ex-husband #3/current live-in had a tremendous fight a week or so ago, and he ran her off. Actually he had someone drop her off at a motel in Dallas, without her car and penniless. When she came to her senses, she called home and sobbed and cried that she wanted to come home. Her parents told her it just wouldn't work out, because they have to consider the impact on her 13-year-old son, of whom they have custody; and she has not made any effort in the last three years to get clean, get a job, and get her life together. So, a day or two later, they get a call from the Jasper police. She has been arrested for being drunk/disorderly and disturbing the peace, but has been so incoherent ever since that they took her to the hospital. She had no booze in her system, but did have meth and lots of xanax. She sobered up, the police dropped the charges, and she walked.

Two days later....(Dec.23)
She comes here to visit with her son and give him his Christmas presents. She is so blitzed that she can't keep her eyes open. She falls asleep in a rocking chair and wakes up awhile later in a blind rage...accusing her parents of stealing her money while she was asleep, screaming at her son and her brother (my husband), and generally making a total a** of herself...and then she left. She left a full bottle of (her ex's) xanax on the table, so she'll be back. Joy, joy.

Other than that litttle "hiccup", we are trying very hard to have a peaceful, relaxing Christmas. My father-in-law was diagnosed with prostate cancer a couple of weeks ago, so he's pretty bummed. He is scheduled for surgery Jan. 11, and we are hopeful that it was caught early enough that it hasn't spread.

Still, we are trying to make the best of the season. My daughter and husband are home until mid-January, which is nice. Most of the shopping is done. We will be going to Porter, N. of Houston, after Christmas to stay with my dad and brother through the New Year's holiday.

So, I'll catch you on the flip side!

Arrivederci!

Grow Your Own

2007-12-08T07:43:00.000-05:00

This is worth a look-see. It's how to grow your own Christmas tree in less than 30 seconds.

http://setxbayou.blogspot.com/2007/12/daybreaker-video-grow-your-own.html

If I were really up on blogger technology, I'd know how to make it play here. But alas, I am only able to provide you with a link to the blog where you can view this amazing Zen demonstration.

Enjoy!

Tasting Blood

2007-12-06T21:46:00.000-05:00

I think I have bitten my tongue so hard, and so many times lately, that I'm pretty sure I'm tasting blood.

My nephew is driving me absolutely bonkers, with his 13-year-old attitude. You know, the talking back, the sarcasm, the blatant defiance. Aaauuuggghhhh! I am trapped in the Twilight Zone with an adolescent monster! (And he isn't even talking to ME, he's talking to his grandmother--my mother-in-law! With whom I am still living, you remember.) If he were mine, I would have already backhanded him into another dimension.

Will I survive the next year or so, while hubby finishes college??? At times, I wonder.

Ciao.

Rest In Peace, Riley (Baby Grace)

2007-11-26T21:36:00.000-05:00

http://www.khou.com/topstories/stories/khou071126_jj_babygraceidmonday.3f632b4a.html

Thank God the monsters who are responsible for murdering this innocent and defenseless child are behind bars. May they never see the light of day again.

This horrific and unthinkable crime has ripped my heart into tiny shreds. I don't think they deserve to have their guilt or innocence debated in a court of law. They have admitted to committing this atrocity--let's save taxpayer money and avoid lengthy trials and appeals by going straight to the penalty phase. And let's save the taxpayers the expense of medically-supervised lethal injections--2 well placed bullets would get the job done much quicker.

And finally let's bury their cold, lifeless bodies in plastic storage bins. Maybe in a nice warm landfill, somewhere.

Now, I feel much better. Don't you?

Arrivederci.

Winding Down

2007-11-24T20:00:00.000-05:00

The Thanksgiving 2007 holiday is winding down. It started out on a rather tense note: My daughter was driving home from college in Baton Rouge, using an alternate route since Interstate 10 has been closed for over a week due to a natural gas well explosion. Holiday traffic on the designated detour was the hellish to begin with; but to complicate matters, the weather report predicted 60 mph winds and quarter sized hail! Then, about an hour and a half before she got home, she called to say her boyfriend's flight had been cancelled (he was on his way home to Wisconsin!), and that she might go BACK to Baton Rouge and get him.

I almost fainted.

She made it home safely. What would normally have been a three-hour trip took almost 5 hours.
And her boyfriend had to go back to the dorm, but was able to get a flight the next morning.

Speaking of which...this is a boyfriend I actually have MET and of whom I APPROVE! He didn't come from the internet or a singles' "matchmaking" website; he is a fellow student that my daughter has had a friendship with for a couple of years. Whew! I can't tell you what a roller-coaster her first couple of college years were...she almost made some tragic mistakes. I had to threaten to cut her off financially at one point, and insist that she move to a school closer to home if she couldn't get her act together. She pulled it off and now seems happy, independent, fiscally responsible (mostly) and committed to finishing her education.

And my husband is struggling right now, but not because of his academic load. His finances haven't worked out the way he had hoped, but maybe things will come together in the next couple of weeks. The financial stress is making the academics harder than it should be, but I guess dealing with stress is just going to be a way of life...

And I am still working at two jobs and living with my in-laws. Not much I can say about that. I'd love to have only one job and my own place, but it isn't in the cards right now. My husband's sister is still not trying real hard to get her son back (like by getting a job and establishing a stable home), but she at least has been seeing him occasionally and talking to him on the phone pretty often. I really can't figure her out. Her alcoholism/drug addiction appears to be under some control right now, why doesn't she go the next step?

So, as the holiday winds down, I still feel content and at peace. I am thankful for all that has actually gone right this year, or at least wasn't as bad as it could have been (i. e., the wreck that my daughter was involved in). I will try to go back to both my jobs on Monday rested and with a good attitude. How's that?

Ciao.

ZIPskinny - Get the Skinny on that ZIP (demographics by ZIP Code)

2007-11-21T08:57:00.000-05:00

Have you ever wondered what the average income is in your locale? Where the jobs are? Have you ever wondered what percentage of people in your area are single/married/divorced? Or how many of them have college degrees?

This is such a cool thing! You have try it.

ZIPskinny - Get the Skinny on that ZIP (demographics by ZIP Code)

Giving Thanks: The Update

2007-11-18T19:59:00.000-05:00

Well, sister-in-law showed up today, pretty much when she said she would, to celebrate her and her son's birthday! I was mildly stunned. She stayed about two conflict-free hours and promised to come back on Thanksgiving.

Another thing to give thanks for! Wonders never cease. Nephew turned 13, today. He's had so much sorrow and conflict in his young life. Even more than my daughter, who grew up with drug-addicted parents, but never had to endure the shame and trauma of being removed from her parents' home. (Because, even caught in the throes of active addiction, she always came first. Always. And I feel awfully proud of the job we did raising her and of the person she became. Some things we did right.)

He really deserved to have the kind of birthday he had today.

Ciao.

Giving Thanks

2007-11-18T09:41:00.000-05:00

Random thoughts. . .

Today, I shall endeavour (I love British spellings) to break the shackles of apathy with which I have been bound, of late. Thanksgiving is but a few days away, so I will try to appreciate those things I have been given by the Almighty God.

Those of you who know me, know I don't attend church on a regular basis--or at all, really--but I have a deep and abiding faith in God and know in my heart that I have a personal relationship with Him. I give Him all the credit for what I have and I trust Him to carry me through the storms. My favorite saying? If He leads you it, He will lead you THROUGH it!

As Thanksgiving 2007 approaches, I will try to focus on positive things going on in my life:
**My primary job is going well. I get along fabulously with my in-laws, with whom I am still living, until my husband finishes his degree. (Only about one year to go!)
**My husband appears to be doing okay in school, and not "messing up".
**My daughter, while overwhelmed by her duties as President of Sigma Tau Delta at times, is also doing well in college. Her car seems to be doing just fine, too.
**My family is healthy, I haven't even had a cold, yet, this year!
**My dad and brother, who live in Houston, are doing well, however, my brother is working too hard. (He works for a major retailer, in receiving, so it's a seasonal thing.)
**My car, although quite elderly, seems to holding together.

There are a few negative things going on in my life, but I won't think about those today. Today is my nephew's 13th birthday, and also his mother's (my sister-in-law) birthday. She hasn't called him, yet.

Well, I must finish unloading the dishwasher, take a shower, and start my laundry.

Arrivederci!

Is It a Birthday or an Anniversary?

2007-11-11T20:00:00.000-05:00

I wish I had something controversial or thought-provoking to write about today, because today I have been a blogger for two years! (So, am I celebrating the birth of my blog or my anniversary as a blogger??) I spent a little time reviewing the postings I published over the last couple of years with mixed emotions. There were some very bad memories conjured up, some good times re-lived, some political statements--not all of them politically correct, and lots of whining. I have enjoyed being able to "get it all out" so to speak, and not worry about what anyone close to me might say or think.

Either way, I have absolutely nothing of significance to write about, today I had a positively relaxing weekend with my husband and daughter, both of whom came home from college this weekend! (I am still worried off and on about what hubby might be "up to", but he'll either make it or he won't, and then I will know what direction to take the rest of my life, right? Right at this moment, he seems to be doing really well.) My sister-in-law still doesn't "get it", and just keeps asking what she would have to do to get custody of her son again. She's back with her third ex-husband, again, although she insists she won't remarry him, this after having spent the last month or so with the second ex-husband. Here's a clue for her: GET A JOB! She's got to establish stability and prove that she can maintain her sobriety and a stable environment to get her son back. DUH!

I almost wish I felt strongly about O.J. Simpson's armed robbery trial, the political maneuvering of the potential presidential candidates, MRSA, or the crisis within the Pakistani government.

I think I am having an attack of apathy.....

New Information on Mad Cow Disease!

2007-10-28T18:25:00.000-05:00

New Information on Mad Cow Disease from Newfoundland:

A female TV reporter arranged for an interview with a farmer living just outside Corner Brook, Newfoundland, to identify what the farmer believes to be the main cause of the Mad Cow Disease.

Reporter: "Good evening, sir. I am here to collect information on the possible source of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?"

The Farmer stared at her intently and said: "Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"

The lady reporter (obviously embarrassed): "Well, sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow Disease?"

Farmer: "And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?"

Reporter: "Sir, this may, indeed, be really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?"

Farmer: "I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?"

(Apologies to anyone who may be offended by the raunchy humor...but, I'm feeling a bit raunchy just now.)

Arrivederci!

The Perfect Fairy Tale

2007-10-24T19:51:00.000-04:00

This is the fairy tale that should have been taught to us as little girls instead of the mush and idealistic crap we were fed:

THE PERFECT FAIRY TALE
Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said, "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am; and then my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself, ‘I don't f**kin' think so.’

NATIONAL SECURITY

2007-10-12T10:24:00.000-04:00

Well, this has been a week of sad truths. Our country is in deep trouble and it isn't from the economic impact of the war on Iraq, the terrorist threat from radical religious groups (note that I did NOT single out Muslims), or even the lack of action on illegal immigration. The biggest threat our country faces is...ourselves. That's right. The United States of America is under attack from within--from its own citizens.

Almost every day, now, there is a random shooting spree somewhere in the country. October 5, 2007: A man walked into a law office right here in Alexandria, LA, and shot five people, killing two. A couple days ago, it was in Ohio: A 14-year-old kid opened fire in a school, shooting four. We can't forget the deputy in Wisconsin, who recently shot several people then killed himself. And the massacre at Virginia Tech. The shooting at the Amish school. And Columbine.

So, how should we, as a nation, react when a 14-year-old is found to have a massive collection of assault rifles and explosive devices, some of which were purchased for him by his MOTHER???

Here's what they found:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/12/us/12plot.html?ex=1349928000&en=1e86cb332aec46aa&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

Here's where he got the stuff:
http://apnews.myway.com//article/20071012/D8S7O1OO0.html

Our only consolation is that the authorities showed a rare flash of actual backbone, and arrested the mother, as well.

So, do I believe gun control is the answer? ABSOLUTELY NOT! The answer is for us to rise up and demand that parents become parents again, and monitor everything their children do until such time as they are self-supporting adults. We are not our child's best friend--they don't even have to like us much! But they DO have to respect our wishes (Random thought insertion: think "NO saggy pants!") and we MUST expect them to live up to our expectations. This is the responsibility we assume when we become parents--a responsibility which is possibly the furthest thing from our minds during the act which creates a new life, but one which has lifelong ramifications individually and for society in general!

Addressing this problem literally "in childhood" will cure a host of ills affecting our country today, possibly preserving our nation in the process. It's a matter of national security!

Please take care.

FIND YOUR PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE!

2007-10-08T06:40:00.000-04:00

Now you don't have to sort through candidates' view on issues, or try to figure out what they REALLY mean when they speak publicly. This nifty tool will take YOUR views and give you a candidate whose views closely align with your own. Very cool. Try it!

Arrivederci!



-- Take the Quiz! --

Updates and Other Stuff

2007-10-07T17:21:00.000-04:00

Here are some random updates:

Well, I wish I could say definitively that my hubby is not using, again, but I can't. I also don't have any hard evidence or proof that he IS. What I can say without a doubt is that he isn't still abusing the credit card (which I reluctantly reinstated), because I can see all of the transactions online, of course. And I would certainly expect his grades to start slipping if he were using, which doesn't seem to have happened. So, I should give him the benefit of the doubt, right? Maybe I am just having a hard time letting go of the suspicious nature I developed as a result of living with an active addict. Time, however, will tell whether my suspicions were warranted...

I still need to find another (cheap) dependable used car for my daughter. She, you remember, had an accident in August which totaled her car. She is beginning to really pressure me, but I just cannot afford to co-sign a loan for her to purchase a nearly new vehicle. She doesn't have a sufficient, stable income from her part-time, on-campus job for me to be confident that she can swing the note every month. I would still have to borrow the downpayment and cover the insurance, and if I had to kick in the note as well--even occasionally--it would put me in a SERIOUS bind. Sigh. I wish I could afford to buy her whatever her heart desires...

Sister-in-law spent another 7 days or so in a hospital recently for seizures related to alcohol poisoning/methamphetamine withdrawal and alcohol-induced liver impairment. She isn't getting it. The doctors keep telling her, if she continues to drink--she will die. She hasn't worked in two years, and hasn't had custody of her son for a year-and-a-half. She goes through the motions of acting like the anguished mother, persecuted unfairly by having her only son removed from her care. She protests the loss of custody because she thinks she should, that it is expected of her.

Please. Truth be told, I don't think she cares. Parenthood cramped her (partying) style, anyway. She knows what it will take to get him back: Get sober, get a job, get a stable home environment for him. In that order.

Here's something neat:

A couple of summers ago, my dad stopped near a cotton field and picked up some of the cotton bolls that were laying near the road. He planted the seeds and sent me a couple of the mature cotton bolls. So, this summer, I planted some of the seeds from the cotton that he grew, and grew some of my own. These were the first of maybe 12-15 bolls I will harvest. I want to save enough of the cleaned fibers to stuff some throw pillows and maybe give my dad one for Christmas!

Enough for now.
Ciao.

Humberto, The Update

2007-09-13T11:09:00.000-04:00

Welcome to Humberto!

These are the views from our back deck, facing into the backyard. The plants in the foreground are sitting on the deck railing.

Wow.

The log you see in the first photo is what's left of an oak tree that fell during Hurricane Rita.

Humberto

2007-09-13T10:05:00.000-04:00

Wow. Go to bed knowing that it's going to be a rainy, miserable day going to work the next day due to a tropical storm...get a call the next morning from your supervisor saying not to report for work because of Hurricane Humberto! What a nice(?) surprise! (Having stayed around for Hurricane Rita, I know that this will be a "minor" hurricane, so I can say this.) Okay....

So, anyway, I really love LOVE stormy, rainy, days. I like them best if I can sit at home and enjoy them, though, so this is almost too good to be true. Is that weird?

No verdict yet on whether husband is screwing up or not. He calls in often enough, and doesn't sound messed up. But he's still put what I consider way too much on the credit card--some of it as cash advances.

I have decided to put it out of my mind, for now. I have to--for my own sanity. I have too much going on at work myself to be distracted and preoccupied with whether he is doing what he is supposed to or not. He will either pass or fail, and then I'll know and can take the appropriate action. Right?

I think I will go out on the deck and watch the storm, now. And then maybe I will take a nap...

Arrivederci!

Really Bummed

2007-09-11T21:28:00.000-04:00

It seemed like a good idea at the time.... Famous last words. So, hubby thought he would be saving us money by moving into student housing, saving money on gas for the commute. Instead, I find that he is hard to get hold of by phone and he keeps putting crap on our (my) credit card. I can't see what exactly, but I can see when. And it's way too much, way too often. So I cancelled the card this afternoon.

I am not sure what he is up to, but my gut tells me he's up to NO GOOD. (Now, where would I get an idea like THAT???)

So, anyway, I'm really bummed.

But I do have good news! I was asked to fill in for someone at work who is going to have surgery. If I do well in this person's absence, then when this person retires in just a couple of years, I may be considered to fill their position. It would be a nice advancement with a substantial raise! The trick is going to be making sure all my own work stays somewhat caught up...

Ciao.

Crazy Train, Part II

2007-09-01T09:49:00.000-04:00

Okay, so the crazy train has made a whistle stop. Things are (relatively) peaceful and calm right now. We are in a stable pattern of activity that should continue for the next couple weeks, at least. Hubby has moved into on-campus housing at college. His plans are to stay Monday-Thursday at school, then come home every weekend. Cost? $450/mo. housing versus $600/mo. gas expenses for the commute. And, he got a student loan to cover the actual housing costs, so I will only have to kick in a couple hundred for food, his share of electricity, etc.

What I HAD planned to do with the monthly savings was rent a very small apartment and move out of my in-laws place. What I actually WILL do in the wake of my daughter's auto accident is try to find another vehicle for her to use in Baton Rouge with payments that fit into my budget. Along with the insurance of course. Kinda looks like I will be with the in-laws awhile longer. Which is not so bad most of the time...

Sister-in-law (the alcoholic) has flaked out again. She left the drug-dealing ex-husband (#3), and hooked up with her first ex. He swears he still has feelings for her and took her in, of course, since she was basically homeless. He has had a recent drinking problem of his own, which resulted in a former employer asking for his resignation in lieu of having a dismissal in his personnel file. I don't see this living arrangement as being something with lasting potential.

There is a court date looming this week, 9/6/07. Nephew's father (sister-in-law's ex #2) has agreed to allow my in-laws to have full custody, with the understanding that he can pretty much have visitation whenever he wants. (He works in Mississippi, so I really don't expect there to be a problem with him taking his son for a day or two when he is home.) I don't even know if my sister-in-law has been served with the papers, since she is a virtual transient. So, she may not even show up! She calls her son every couple of days, assuring him that he won't be living at grandmother's house for very long. She is so in denial about what has happened. I don't really think she can even remember most of the last couple years--that's when her teaching contract was not renewed due to excess absences. She has been unemployed for that long. It's really very sad.

I am still working two jobs, loving one and hating the other. I have looked for another part-time job, but I am not willing to work a full shift in the afternoon once I leave my first job, so my options are limited. Plus, I would never be able to make this hourly rate of pay ($10/hr.) at any retail store or private daycare! (However, if the pay was right, I might work weekends.) So, I persevere, knowing that the blood, sweat, and tears will pay off once my husband has that degree in hand. I try hard not to dwell on how tired I am ALL THE TIME!

This too shall pass....

Ciao.

Riding the Crazy Train

2007-08-18T23:11:00.000-04:00

"Crazy" doesn't even begin to describe my world of late...

Well, my daughter wrecked her car today. She wasn't hurt--but she could easily have been killed. She was on I10 leaving Lafayette to go back to Baton Rouge in a heavy downpour when her Firebird hydroplaned and she spun in front of an 18 wheeler. Luckily, it hit the rear passenger side of her car and not the driver's side, or the outcome would have been completely different. The car is, of course, a total loss. Damn. She's going to be on foot for awhile, because we only carried liability on that vehicle. I'm glad her new apartment is walking distance from campus! She can learn to use public transportation for awhile now, I guess.

The explosion I've been expecting finally happened Friday night. This week, my sister-in law--who you will recall is an alcoholic--and her pill-and-meth-dealing-live-in-ex-husband finally packed up their stuff and moved their travel trailer to a mobile home park. Then, Friday evening, they came to get her son, supposedly so he could spend the weekend with them. (In a tiny travel trailer parked at a mobile home park!) My in-laws said absolutely not, and so Friday night we had three City Police officers here, explaining why we had to let my nephew go with his mother, even though technically his dad (who is working in Mississippi) still has custody and didn't want she and her aforementioned ex to leave with him. Well, he wasn't here, he was visiting his other grandparents. So, off they all went. He flatly refused to go with his mom, and told the cops that if they made him go he would run away the first chance he got. So the police persuaded my sister-in-law to let him have Friday night with his (other) grandparents, and they could pick him up Saturday morning.

Long story short...a late-night visit to an attorney, and some early Saturday morning maneuvering by the judge resulted in my in-laws now having immediate temporary custody. Sister-in-law was quite furious and wants to come get all her stuff, but the attorney advised us to have her wait until Monday morning and then be accompanied by a police officer *just in case*. Whew! Helluva weekend. But at least the pressure is coming down now. I was beginning to have some real intense anxiety about how their f***ed-up lifestyle (pardon my language) was going to affect hubby's recovery and sobriety. He was stressed, and I could tell, which made my stress even stressier. If this hadn't all gone down, I think he would have been very close to using again.

I was off all last week, though! We all went to Houston to visit my dad and brother, and on the last night there we got to see Rush in concert. It was great.

So, anyway, it's never a dull moment in my dysfunctional world. But I have to go back to work Monday--bummer. Maybe the little men in white coats will come for me first...

Arrivederci!

When Your Worst Nightmare Comes True...

2007-08-09T22:23:00.000-04:00

So, what do you do when your WORST NIGHTMARE comes true? Suggestions are welcome!

I knew this was a possibility, I wrote about it months ago. My sister-in-law, her nephew, and her ex-husband have come to live with us. Remember now, I live with my husband's parents. There are now 7 people in the house and, when my daughter comes home, eight. It's a three-bedroom house. "Crowded" doesn't even begin to describe the situation. She is still unemployed, and seems content that way, but at least she seems relatively sober. Her (disabled) ex-husband stays fairly strung out on painkillers, but he did have a catastrophic accident a few years ago that may still result in his losing a leg. I suspect that they also dabble a bit in methamphetamine--I have done that and more in the past, and can pretty well identify the signs.

I hope (and PRAY) that their being here doesn't derail my husband's recovery and his goals of getting his college education. I know he suspects that they are using, and as a recovering addict, that has GOT to be one of the hardest things ever to endure.

God help us all. Please pray for us...
Arrivederci

Not Abandoned, Just Neglected

2007-06-23T11:45:00.000-04:00

Nope, I haven't abandoned my blog, just neglected it. No posts in May, and I will be quite honest--there probably won't be more than just this one in June!

Short catch-up: My husband--clean and sober now for almost 2 years!--is still in college, full-time and will complete his Associate degree in Clinical Laboratory Technology in May 2008, we are still living with my in-laws (more on that later, maybe), and I am still working both jobs. My daughter is still in college, 2 years down and 2 to go. She has changed her major 4 times, settling finally on an English major with a Spanish minor.

Now, here is the new stuff: My husband finished his Phlebotomy certification in May, and my sister-in-law is renting an apartment (one of those by the week or month deals) in Texas and has taken my nephew there for the summer. She seems sober, but she still doesn't have a lead on a job for when schools starts this fall.

Not very exciting, but life can't always be an adventure, can it? At least the stress level has gone WAY down, and things are more settled. Of course that's subject to change....

Ciao!

Arkansas Vacation Photos!

2007-04-21T10:37:00.000-04:00

These are some of the awesome formations in Blanchard Springs Cavern State Park, near Mountain View,
Arkansas

And this is the spring that created the underground cavern, as it exits the mountain....

When we left this area in N. Central Arkansas, we travelled to Devil's Den State Park in the NW corner of Arkansas, in the Ozark mountains, just south of Fayetteville. Words can't describe the absolute beauty--enjoy the photos!

The Bigger Picture

2007-04-18T06:04:00.000-04:00

It's easy to become so mired in day-to-day drama, that when something horrific happens--namely the shootings that occurred on the Virginia Tech campus--it sets us one outside oneself so suddenly that the result is whiplash. It really makes one take a hard look at the bigger picture, doesn't it?? What's REALLY important in life? A tragedy of that magnitude makes everything else seem so trivial by comparison. How incredibly sad. Suddenly, all I can think of is: What if that had been LSU main campus and my daughter had been killed? The VA Tech Campus is just about the same size as LSU. The thought makes my stomach clench.

My prayers are with those who lost loved ones. May God bless and comfort the families, granting them his peace that passes all understanding.

Here's a quick update on the other trivialities of my life:
The first week of April was Spring break for husband and daughter; and they talked me into taking some time off from both jobs AND the notary public class I am taking, so that we could go to NW Arkansasfor a vacation. (Devil's Den State Park, I highly recommend it. Been there many times. Camping and cabins available, reserve cabins early.) It was great. (OK, maybe I needed the time away more than I would like to admit.) We hiked, explored some caves, and took literally hundreds of pictures. The dogwoods were blooming, but the surrounding trees hadn't yet leafed out, and the sun illuminated the dogwood, making them positively LUMINOUS. I can't even begin to describe it. The weather was fantastic, daytime temps in the 60's, nightimes maybe in the 40's. I want very much to post some photos--maybe I will have time this weekend.

Daughter had to go back to Baton Rouge on Easter Sunday, but we got to have a really nice Easter dinner. Husband's grandmother was with us from the nursing home and several family members we hadn't seen in months dropped by to visit.

The day after Easter, my sister-in-law "moved in". I set that apart for a reason. She "moved in" all her stuff and rearranged a room I had kind of unofficially appropriated as my own, but she comes and goes. It almost infuriates me, but then I think about how pathetic she's become and the most I can muster is some half-hearted resentment. She came supposedly to recuperate from a fall (?) that resulted in a torn calf muscle and terrible swelling of one foot. But she stays a day or two, and leaves a day or two, and then she's back. She's never asked to give account of where she goes or what she does. Her parents (with whom we ALL live, now) are hoping she will be able to get her life back together soon, and get another teaching job nearby, perhaps just across the border in TX.

She seems sober, now, except for pain medication for the leg injury. Progress, perhaps? (Cautious optimism.)

I worry a little about my hubby, at this point. He has said that it is hard for him, knowing that she has full bottles of the very drug to which he was so horribly addicted. I encouraged him to take in a few NA meetings. He has said he would consider it. Maybe just speaking it will give him the inner strength he needs to maintain his sobriety--almost 2 years now!

"Illegal Alien"

2007-04-11T20:47:00.000-04:00

So-o-o-o-o, Bill "No Spin" O'Reilly has been labeled a racist. He used the term "Illegal Alien" to describe a person who had entered this country without proper paperwork. The critic who identified O'Reilly as a racist insisted that his terminology should have been "Undocumented Immigrant".

This typifies what's wrong with this country. We are terrified that some comment will offend some group or other. So we try to candy-coat the unpleasant and distasteful, to make it easier to swallow.

I like the term "Illegal Alien". I don't want America to close its border with Mexico and Canada, but I want the people who enter this country to do so legally, by following the procedures for applying for a visa and by pursuing citizenship should they decide to stay.

I hope the "Undocumented Immigrants" are so incredibly offended that they go home. And they could apply to enter this country legally -- and be welcome here when they do.

Arrivederci

Shame on Me!

2007-03-25T22:05:00.000-04:00

All that ranting about the nephew -- and he wasn't even here at ALL this weekend. Seems he came in the middle of last week BECAUSE he was going to go to Mississippi to visit his dad over the weekend. So, now I feel kinda bad about the ranting I did. But in reality, I desperately needed the peace and quiet. So, while I feel a *little* guilty, my utter relief at having a weekend without teeth-grinding and tongue-biting far outweighs any negative feelings I may harbour. Have a terrific week, now. Ciao!

Bad Attitutde (The Frustration Factor)

2007-03-22T06:50:00.000-04:00

Where do I start? Living with my in-laws and holding a full-time AND a part-time job so that my husband--sober now almost 2 years--can attend college full-time (looking at a Spring '08 grad date, now, HOORAY), is stressful beyond what I can possibly tell you in this venue. But it gets better! My hubby's sister is an alcoholic who lost custody of her son last fall. So, my 12-year-old nephew was placed in custody of his dad. Dad is a construction worker who travels up and down the Gulf Coast, and he's gone much of the time, so stepmom is basically raising nephew right now.

Anyway, in the beginning, he spent most weekends here--in this house, with my in-laws and my husband and me. Which was okay, it ratcheted up the noise level (and the stress level!) considerably, but he IS 12, and it was only for two nights--right? Friday and Saturday, then he went home on Sunday. Then, it crept up somehow to Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Every week. *SIGH*

Last night, Wednesday night, at 8:30 (!) his stepmom called and told my mother-in-law that her daughter was spending the night at a friend's house and nephew was begging to come over here. So, now, it's Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Did I mention he takes medication for ADHD???

Sure, it's just for this week. (YEAH, RIGHT!) And I do kinda feel sorry for the kid, his mom's a flaked-out alcoholic with co-dependency issues and his dad is off working most of the time...

But, with all the other pressure, tension, and stress in my life, if THIS becomes the norm, I may have a stress-related psychotic episode.

Yeah, my attitude's bad--What about it????

Crazy Busy, But Content

2007-03-07T08:26:00.000-05:00

The way I see it, if I get to post once each month, I'm doing alright. It's been SO-O-O crazy busy, at work and at home, that I literally collapse into bed every night at 9 p.m. and get up moving at full speed every morning at 5 a.m.

But things are running so smoothly now. This all just feels right.

Oh, I'm still working two jobs and still living with my in-laws while my husband attends college full-time, but he is getting close to having a certification in Phlebotomy (part of his Clinical Laboratory Technician program) that will allow him to work part-time doing the blood draws ordered by physicians. When he finishes that at the end of May, he will try to get a weekend or evening position and I plan on turning in my notice at my part-time job during the early part of the summer.

Won't that be so fine??

We will continue to live with his parents until he actually gets his Associate degree next year, and then we will try to look for our own place or maybe look into getting a mobile home to put on our 4 acres.

Daughter is doing well in college, and made the Dean's List last semester! Hooray!

Sister-in-law appears to have stopped drinking and seems to realize that she must get a job and prove that she can provide stability if she is ever going to have custody of her son, again. So far, it's all been talk. Note the emphasis on appears and seems. We shall see....

So, life goes on at its crazy, breakneck pace, but I feel at peace with things right now.

Arrivederci!

The Passage of Time

2007-02-04T22:10:00.000-05:00

Here it is the beginning of the second week of February. Where the hell did January go? I can't believe how fast time is passing. I was told (warned?) that the older I got, the faster it would seem time passed; but gosh, they didn't tell me that by the time I hit 45 I would be traveling at warp speed!

But while time seems to be rolling by at a positively alarming speed, I feel very much like I am treading water. It seems like I have been treading water for YEARS--I am so utterly exhausted all the time. This month marks a whole year that I have kept up with two jobs. I am tired, just so tired. But I have to do this for my husband to continue to attend college, so that when he finishes, we can finally move out of his parents' home and ino one of our own again. It WILL be worth it.

I really must try to swim over to the shore and rest some, in the future. And update this silly blog more often. And, didn't someone once observe that "time flies when you're having fun"? Maybe that's really what is happening. I'm just having so much fun, that more time is going by than I realize!

Yeah, right.

HAPPY (BELATED) NEW YEAR!

2007-01-14T09:56:00.000-05:00

Happy 2007!

Okay, I'm a couple weeks late. "Resolutions?", you ask. And my first impulse is to ask why anyone should make new year's resolutions?! But then, that thought strikes me as rather cynical, so I decide that resolutions are not really such a bad thing. It's all about reflecting on the year past, admitting what could have been done differently, and setting new (achievable) goals for the coming year.

So, with that thought in mind, here are my resolutions:
1. Practice patience. I am not a patient person, by nature. I am a demanding perfectionist. My husband calls me a "Type A" and tells me I am going to have a heart attack if I don't learn to relax.

2. Forgive. This one's going to be tough, because so much of my adult life has been spent regretting bad decisions that I now feel angry, bitter, and resentful a lot of the time. I have to get past all of that to move forward, don't I? ("Forgetting"--as in forgive and forget-- is not included at this time. Someone once said "History forgotten is history repeated". Not going to go there, I'm just not, but I can forgive.)

3. Be myself. I have spent a lot of my 45 years being who other people needed or expected me to be. I have to be honest with others and myself about who I am.

4. Stay clean and sober! And support my husband in that, as well. We have made some amazing strides this year and only by staying sober can we maintain the momentum!

You will note that I have absolutely no goals to "lose weight" or "get in shape". Yes, I am overweight; and, yes, I need to exercise. But I'm HAPPY right now, in spite of having two jobs and still living with my in-laws, and I think I would be adding to my stress load to add lofty self-improvement goals to my list.

Happy New Year to All.

Arrivederci!

Peace...The Update

2006-12-29T07:52:00.000-05:00

Lately, this blog seems to be less about me and more about my screwed-up sister in law.

My peace this week, visiting my family in Houston has been slightly marred by yet another of my alcoholic sister-in-law's serial crises. Christmas night, she started vomiting blood and by the day after Christmas (the day we travelled to my dad's house), she was bleeding rectally as well. Her ex-husband took her to the hospital in Jasper, TX. We talked about postponing our trip, but decided to go on, because we didn't really have any hard information about her condition.

She was rushed to the hospital in Beaumont, where she was admitted, and treated for multiple bleeding ulcers and a perforated esophagus, caused by chronic alcohol abuse. They stopped the bleeding and are now treating the ulcers and other problems, while she lays in bed stoned on tranquilizers to keep her from having severe DT's while she de-toxes. She is out of danger for the moment...but they have told her that if she continues to drink, she will be dead in less than 2 years.

On a happier note: I got to spend the entire day yesterday with my dad, husband and daughter in Galveston! We rode the ferry, and walked on the beach. The day was slightly overcast, but not raining and the temps were in the lower 60's. Not a bad day at all! We also ate a fabulous Mexican dinner at Salsa's Restaurant. I had a wonderful time and took some real "keeper" photographs.

Peace is an elusive goal, but maybe it is a relative concept.

Ciao!

Peace....AT LAST

2006-12-27T08:39:00.000-05:00

Christmas was not without its glitches, but at least there were no major conflicts or confrontations. We only had 6 people staying in the house, but a total of 14 spent Christmas day with us.

My sister-in-law arrived on time, much to everyone's astonishment, and stayed fairly sober throughout the day, again, to everyone's amazement.
There were, however, a few occasional tense moments, (she made some comments that I could have easily made an issue of, but I chose not to), and all things considered, Christmas went well. (WHEW!)

Now, I am in Porter, TX (about 40 miles N. of Houston) to spend a week or so with my dad and brother. And finally...Peace. It is so quiet here.

Hope everyone has a splendid and safe New Year!

Arrivederci!

Peace on Earth (Or at Least in My World)

2006-12-22T21:56:00.000-05:00

Here is my entire Christmas wish list: Peace. I just want everyone to get along. I want "Peace" and quiet. I want "Peace" of mind. And yes, Peace on Earth would be nice, too.

Sister-in-law is still strolling around in the clouds, but she's planning to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day here with her parents, my husband and I, our daughter, and her son. There will be 7 of us (Count 'em: SEVEN) in a two bedroom house, where the living room has been modified to form a third (my and my husband's) bedroom. I just hope she can hold it together long enough to get through Christmas. She seems to be drinking less, but I won't even speculate that she has her drinking "under control". GMAC came to the door hunting her the other day--remember that she and her then-boyfriend flipped her not-yet-paid-for car, the one on which she had let the insurance policy lapse. She has yet to mention this issue to anyone. Right now, she's obsessed with spending her last paycheck on Christmas. No mention of when she might work again to try to get custody of her son, or what she will do when this money is gone... but that's not my problem in any way, shape or form, is it??

God help us all, when she gets here.

Daughter and husband made most excellent grades on their final exams: Daughter made 4, A's and one B, Husband made 4, B's and one A. (Not bad for a 43-year-old man who'd been out of school for more years than he wants to admit.)

I betcha this is gonna be a Christmas to remember. I hope I have time to update here afterwards.

And I hope I can find at least one of the kinds of "Peace" I have been wishing for!

Later.

Thankfulness

2006-12-02T17:27:00.000-05:00

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity . . . Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities.

Where do I begin??? Truly, the last couple of weeks have been both the best and the worst of times. My sister-in-law is so far gone...she was arrested twice in a three-week span for public intoxication. The "friend" she was staying with called her parents and asked them to come get her. They said they would only come get her if she would agree to go into treatment for her alcoholism. She agreed, so they made the 6-hour round trip to get her home. She was a mess. She hadn't bathed in several days, and she had stopped eating. She was so weak, she had to be supported to walk to the car and couldn't get out of the bed by herself when she got here. It was really awful. But the next day was Thanksgiving, so she wouldn't be able to check into a treatment center until after the holiday.

Thanksgiving was fairly pleasant. My daughter was home from college, and she always loves to make the dressing to go with the turkey. My mother-in-law bakes the turkey, and I usually make most of the side dishes, including--of course--cheesecake. My in-laws go get my father-in-law's mother out of her
nursing home and bring her here for dinner. We had a really nice meal. It was actually better than I expected. (Sister-in-law stayed in bed most of the time...but we did get her bathed...and yes, she stayed a little drunk. We let her drink some, just to keep the DT's at bay. We knew we were not going to be able to deal with that. When she did get up, she laid around on the floor most of the time, making random unrelated comments to anyone in earshot) But all things considered, Thanksgiving was really nice.

So, the next day was the day sister-in-law was supposed to go into treatment. She refused to get up. Wouldn't take a bath. Finally had to be physically put into the car. She slept the whole trip (about 1 1/2 hours) and then was able to get out and willingly go in under her own power.

In about 6 hours, she was so agitated that they allowed her to call someone to come get her. (Our mistake--we didn't get a coroner to declare her a danger to herself, so they couldn't lock her down and make her stay.) She didn't call us for two days to let us know where she was staying. And so, she is with another "friend", not working or even thinking about working. Not even asking about her son, of whom she lost custody this week.

And we have all just decided to move on. We think about her everyday, but we can't even have her committed against her will unless she comes back here, so we go on about our business. And pray a lot.

There is other really terrific news, though! Lots of it! My husband officially completed his drug program and probation successfully. He will have his convictions removed and will be able to get his laboratory technologist certification when he finishes school next summer. He will be able to vote, again, and get his guns out of the pawn shop! And when he starts working, we can start looking for a place. Hooray! Life is good.

And more good news! My daughter has broken off her relationship with the 33-year-old man from Illinois. Praise God! My prayers have been answered. And she was recently elected as the treasurer of her campus chapter of Sigma Tau Delta. She's made plans to go visit her (male) friend in Arkansas after finals, and they are going to go see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra in concert. (Him, I approve of. He's a year younger than she is, and a music major in college. A really nice, young man.)

So, for these last small successes I am profoundly thankful!
And now you know the "Rest of the Story" (Paul Harvey)

"Stumble Upon" and Other Random Stuff

2006-10-29T18:45:00.000-05:00

My daughter has introduced me to the neatest thing..."Stumble Upon". It's a free toolbar (*groan*) that works with either IE or Mozilla/Firefox, takes less that a minute to download, and takes you to random websites when you click the "Stumble" button, based on your preferences as determined by questions you answer when you install it. After each stumble, you are given an opportunity to rate each site as "I Like It" (Thumbs Up) or "No More Like This" (Thumbs Down), and my daughter says to do this after every stumble, because it gets better at finding sites you will enjoy each time you rate a random site. It's quite habit forming....and it solves the problem of what to look up when you just want to "surf the 'net"!

And in a completely unrelated matter: My 19-year-old daughter is having her first real conflict with her 3 apartment mates. Her boyfriend (the 33-year-old, of whom I disapprove) wants to come visit for the Thanksgiving break. They would only be staying at the apartment for a couple of days, until her classes end for the break, then she would be bringing him home. In the beginning they had agreed not to have boyfriends overnight at the apartment, but the girls made an exception here and one there, but now that it's my daughter's turn, they are all against it. In principle, she should be allowed the same "exception" as the other girls. They don't like him, though, because he is so much older. One girls says he "smells like smoke". I don't know what to tell her. I don't like him either, although, in all honesty I have never met the man. My objection is strictly because of their age difference.

So now what?

It Begins

2006-10-23T06:59:00.000-04:00

Today, it's not about me. Not directly, anyway. My sister-in-law has been in the hospital, now, for about 4 days--drying out, de-toxing, whatever you want to call it. She has been sedated at times, when the DT's got too bad (she was trembling, seeing things, and talking out of her head), but seems to be pulling out of it now.

And so, it begins.

Getting off of alcohol (and anti-anxiety drugs, tranquilizers, etc.) will just be a small part of her personal battle. She still has to come to terms with her addiction. As we all know, that's going to be the biggest challenge she will face. It will mean she can NEVER again do the things that she has done for her entire adult life "for fun". It will most likely mean that she can never "hang" with the old crowd, again. It did for us. She has finally agreed to go into an inpatient facility to learn to deal with the disease she will have for the rest of her life.. She may go as early as tomorrow, and will be there a minimum of one month--longer if they feel she needs it.

And when she is discharged, I have a strong feeling that the weight of what she has done will come crashing down on her. She has lost custody of her son, crashed and totaled her car (with no insurance--she had let it lapse), doesn't really have a job to come back to, and she will be facing bankruptcy, a lawsuit by the auto loan company to recover what she still owed on her car, and plenty of other financial crises (like child support payments, if her son's father is awarded permanent custody of their son at the hearing scheduled for later this fall).

And no one is talking about it yet, but she will be living here. With her parents, her brother (my recovering husband) , me, and occasionally my college-student daughter. And at some point may have court-ordered visitation with her son

Do the math: There will be five us in a three bedroom house, and occasionally as many as seven.

It going to be quite a challenge for all of us isn't it???

Three Beautiful Things

2006-10-15T11:16:00.000-04:00

You have to check out this blog...Three Beautiful Things. (http://threebeautifulthings.blogspot.com). It is being featured as one of the "Blogs of Note", and I was so amazed that I decided to include a link on my page.

It reminds me that all is not hopeless and that there IS a light at the end of my tunnel! I will visit this one often...

Whining?

2006-10-15T10:17:00.000-04:00

Is it whining? (And, as such, a sign of weakness?) Or is it venting? (And, therefore, therapeutic) Is there really a difference?

I am still struggling with the facts of my life: I live with my in-laws because my husband was arrested for drug possession in April, 2005, and I couldn't support myself on just my earnings. He went into treatment for his addiction, which was tremendously successful--a year and a half later, he is still clean and sober, but his court-ordered treatment is continuing, which is a good thing. He qualified for services through Vocational Rehabilitation (Drug addiction is a disability!) and is at this moment a full-time student pursuing an Associate degree, with all of his tuition and books being paid for by Voc. Rehab! However, he spends between $500-$600 a month in gasoline, going to and from the campus--a 90 mile round trip everyday. So I also have a second, part-time job to help with that. I can pay all our bills--car insurance on three cars, cell phone bills, one credit card, storage unit rental, medicine (probably our biggest expense with no insurance!), and help some with groceries, but not pay rent and utilities.

Okay, so those are the facts. As I said--I'm struggling with that, but, I am dealing with them, and that's not what I feel like "whining" or "venting" about.

It's my sister-in-law. She was denied a teaching contract in May, due to excessive absences (caused by alcohol/drug problems). Moved to another town and was able to find a job there. Then she started missing work, again, and missed so much that she was placed on administrative leave. She was offered another position--not teaching, but at least it was a job. She lost custody of her son, because of some things that happened when she and her drug-addicted husband separated. Then she lost this job, too, due to missing work. (Is this her second? Or third?) Last week, she flipped her car. And her insurance had lapsed.

So she has no job, no son, no car. And still she is blaming her parents (for their child rearing shortcomings), her ex-husband, etc. She still hasn't admitted her role in what has been happening. Her life is in shambles--and it's no one's fault but her own.

And this affects me how, you ask? In two weeks, her rent will be due. She won't be able to pay it. Her parents are only willing to help her if she will seek treatment for her addictions. But if she does accept their offer, she will be moving in with them/us. I find myself feeling angry and resentful, when I know in my heart that she is sick. I don't want her here, upsetting our delicate routine. It has been perhaps the greatest challenge of my life to live with my in-laws peacefully for so long, but my husband is so close to being finished with his studies and his court-ordered rehabilitation...I just don't want to deal with her selfish, pity-party attitude. She has no concept of what her b**s*** is doing to her parents.

So, was this whining? Or venting? I don't have any close friends to talk with anymore, because they all continue to thrash about in the gutter of drug use. I jettisoned all of them. So, I use this avenue to "unload" and keep myself sane.

Does it work? Check back for updates....

"Fair" Weather!

2006-10-09T06:54:00.000-04:00

The annual Fair opened last week, and the weather was actually quite pleasant. Check out that blue sky! Hurricane Rita smashed up the plans for the fair last year, so this was the first fair in two years. It was quite the event!

My husband was so enthusiastic, almost like a kid again. He and our daughter both had several days off from school, so they got to spend some quality father/daughter time at the fair (to ride ALL the rides) together. He and I went once, by ourselves, and then we all went together. It was really fun--a little expensive, since it was $3 apiece to get in and about $3 per ride (plus any food we consumed) but it was so great. And it reminded me how different our lives are than they were just a couple of years ago. I gave thanks to God for getting us through.

It was so much fun seeing all of the people we hadn't seen in years. You can really tell how life is treating people when you see them after a long period of time. I wonder what they thought of us and how we had changed?

The weather was so fine. Almost like I remember it from when our daughter was only 4 or 5 years old. It would be so cold at fair time that all the little ones on the floats in the fair parade would be shivering by the end. And they say "global warming" is a myth!

Well, it's back to the salt mines--so to speak-- for all of us today.

Arrivederci!

Hurricane Rita Revisited

2006-09-24T13:38:00.000-04:00

One year ago, Hurricane Rita slammed into the Texas-Louisiana Gulf Coast and rocked my world. Most media outlets covering the anniversary of Hurricane Rita are focusing on the recovery efforts--very much ongoing in most places.

Today, instead, I find it therapeutic to revisit my memories of Rita's aftermath. I can still hear the roaring wind and rain of that night; it went on and on and on for many hours. I could hear the roof groaning under the strain. I slept about 2 hours, sure that the next massive gusts would take it off. But ever-so-gradually the wind slacked up, and weak daylight struggled through the cloud cover, and this is what we saw:

We chose not to evacuate. And as bad as things were for us without power for seven days, we considered ourselves lucky--we never lost our running water or phone service.

And, all of the trees that fell missed the house. Others were not so lucky.

This contractor's trailer
flipped.
A storage shed. Everything
inside was intact. The walls
were just peeled off.

The (formerly) covered stage
at our local park.

This storm was "forgotten" by the national media outlets. Today, I choose not to forget.

The Good Weekend

2006-09-17T21:00:00.000-04:00

I was way overdue for a good weekend, and this was it. My daughter came home from college (first time this semester) and seems so happy! She is still enamored of the older guy from Illinois, the one who has had some recent battles with drug use, but I have faith that God will bring her safely through this. She appears to be focused on having a successful semester and committed to putting her education ahead of any personal goals, right now. We had a really pleasant visit with her.

The other turbulence which has rocked our world in recent weeks seems to be calming somewhat. My sister-in-law is still really screwed up, but at the moment still has a job. Not the one she was hired to do, but a job. Her school board held an administrative hearing to determine what action to take and chose to remove her from the classroom for the rest of the year, placing her instead into an ISS (In-School Suspension) position. So she might still pull out of the nose-dive she has been in this past year. I'm not optimistic. And there is still the matter of Child Protective Services taking custody of her son and placing him in his father's home. But he (my nephew) seems happy , because he is getting to know a half-sister that he hasn't been able to spend much time with.

Tomorrow, it's back to the grind. Monday: Up at 5 am, work two jobs, come home, eat supper, clean the kitchen, check email, bed. Tuesday: same. Wednesday: same. Thursday: same. Firiday, however, NOT the same! Hubby and I have a ticket for a steak dinner, at which there will be drawing for $10,000. I went in with 9 other folkds at my office , so if we win we'll each get to bring home $1,000! But at the very least, we will have gotten a steak dinner out of the deal, right?

Ciao!

[dis-fuhngk-shuhn]

2006-09-10T14:40:00.000-04:00

Can you say "dysfunction" ? [dis-fuhngk-shuhn]

When you look it up in the dictionary, there it is...my family photo.

My family had a long love affair with drugs. All drugs. Alcohol, pot, cocaine, crystal (meth), anti-depressants, codeine/pain meds. By the grace of God, almost all of us are now clean and sober. Except for my poor sister-in-law. She's the last one still in the steel-trap grip of addiction. But, she is just about to hit the proverbial "rock bottom", where she will finally find help.

Which is what has to happen.

My husband's parents blame themselves, since they were heavily into the "party scene" when my husband and his sister were teenagers. They even did some "swinging". So they beat themselves up a lot over the poor example they feel that they set. But they realized where the road they were on was leading and they turned themselves around. Both have retired now and are active in their church family.

My husband and I specnt many years in "pursuit of the perfect high", like "Baba Fats". (See http://www.banned-width.com/shel/works/high.html, for more into) Finally, he found himself trying to feed an insatiable addiction to painkillers--which eventually got him arrested. He went into an intensive inpatient treatment program and came out a new man. Clean now almost 18 months! We are still living with his parents for financial reasons, but he is doing well in college, looking forward to a new career as a clinical laboratory technician. Once he completes all the terms of his probation, his record will be expunged.

Sister-in-law....wow, what can I say? Her third marriage is ending as a direct result of her continuing involvement with alcohol and drugs, as did her two previous marriages. She lost her previous job, due to excessive absences...caused by, you guessed it, alcohol and drugs. And she is now on administrative leave pending a hearing from her current position, due to...wouldn't you know it?...alcohol and drugs. Her son has been removed from her home--yep, alcohol and drugs, again--but also because she let a convicted felon move into the house. And her husband cleaned out her bank account he left. So, she has no job, no son, and her money is about to run out.

Yeah, I'd say she is almost ready to ask for help. But will she take the help that's offered?? My husband's parents say they will only help her if she goes into the same inpatient treatment treatment program her brother went into. It's a real tough program, but by God, it works!

Did I hear somebody mention "dysfunctional"? That would be us!

Please remember us in your prayers.

Where Were You on 9/11?

2006-09-09T11:17:00.000-04:00

I have seen so many websites asking for input about where people happened to be on the day terrorists brought down the twin towers of the World Trade Center in New York City, assuming of course that it was terrorists and not our own government, as is alleged by the conspiracy-theorists.

I was at the home of my best friend. I had left my husband (again) because I just couldn't deal with his being f***ed up anymore. I stayed with her a week or so and then went to a women's shelter for another couple of weeks. (I eventually went back to him, and the rest you know if you read my first few posts.)

I turned on her TV, it was about 7:00 am CST or so, and one of the towers was on fire. Regular programming had been suspended. I said "Hey, look at this. One of the twin towers is on fire!" Just moments later, a second plane had slammed into the other tower; and shortly after that, all hell broke loose. Both towers collapsed, killing thousands, other planes were hijacked and crashed. The United States entered a state of shock.

For the first time ever in history, all flights were grounded. Worldwide.

CNN will be broadcasting their 9/11 coverage on Monday. All of it. Uncut. As it happened.

Please watch. We need to be reminded of why we are in Iraq.

Where were you on 9/11/2001?

And Life Goes On

2006-09-02T09:08:00.000-04:00

It's been about 3 months since I wrote. I almost feel that I have abandoned my blog. I still have both of my jobs; and in fact I should be going to one of them, now. I can set my own time to do the work I have to do, as long as it gets done today, which is a perk of this particular job.

The last three months have been full. My daughter was home for the summer, meaning that we had to go to Baton Rouge and empty her dorm room. And my husband successfully completed his second semester of college. Then daughter had to be moved into her off-campus apartment just a few weeks ago. And husband started his third (and hopefully next-to-last) semester of school.

And I worked, ate, and slept. Not necessarily in that order, of course.

Immigration Revisited

2006-05-23T19:33:00.000-04:00

I received this information via email. Anyone who still pities the poor, underprivileged Mexican immigrants and thinks we should do all we can to help them needs to read this to understand how they treat Americans working in their country...

The following from a director with SOUTHWESTERN BELL in Mexico City.

I spent five years working in Mexico.

I worked under a tourist visa for three months and could legally renew it for three more months. After that you were working illegally. I was technically illegal for three weeks waiting on the FM3 approval.

During that six months our Mexican and US Attorneys were working to secure a permanent work visa called a FM3. It was in addition to my US passport that I had to show each time I entered and left the country. Barbara's was the same except hers did not permit her to work.

To apply for the FM3 I needed to submit the following notarized originals (not copies) of my:

1. Birth certificates for Barbara and me.

2. Marriage certificate.

3. High school transcripts and proof of graduation.

4. College transcripts for every college I attended and proof of graduation.

5. Two letters of recommendation from supervisors I had worked for at least one year.

6. A letter from The ST. Louis Chief of Police indicating I had no arrest record in the US and no outstanding warrants and was "a citizen in good standing."

7. Finally; I had to write a letter about myself that clearly stated why there was no Mexican citizen with my skills and why my skills were important to Mexico. We called it our "I am the greatest person on earth" letter. It was fun to write.

All of the above were in English that had to be translated into Spanish and be certified as legal translations and our signatures notarized. It produced a folder about 1.5 inches thick with English on the left side and Spanish on the right.

Once they were completed Barbara and I spent about five hours accompanied by a Mexican attorney touring Mexican government office locations and being photographed and fingerprinted at least three times. At each location (and we remember at least four locations) we were instructed on Mexican tax, labor, housing, and criminal law and that we were required to obey their laws or face the consequences. We could not protest any of the government's actions or we would be committing a felony. We paid out four thousand dollars in fees and bribes to complete the process. When this was done we could legally bring in our household goods that were held by US customs in Loredo Texas. This meant we rented furniture in Mexico while awaiting our goods. There were extensive fees involved here that the company paid.

We could not buy a home and were required to rent at very high rates and under contract and compliance with Mexican law.

We were required to get a Mexican drivers license. This was an amazing process. The company arranged for the licensing agency to come to our headquarters location with their photography and finger print equipment and the laminating machine. We showed our US license, were photographed and fingerprinted again and issued the license instantly after paying out a six dollar fee. We did not take a written or driving test and never received instructions on the rules of the road. Our only instruction was never give a policeman your license if stopped and asked. We were instructed to hold it against the inside window away from his grasp. If he got his hands on it you would have to pay ransom to get it back.

We then had to pay and file Mexican income tax annually using the number of our FM3 as our ID number. The companies Mexican accountants did this for us and we just signed what they prepared. I was about twenty legal size pages annually.

The FM 3 was good for three years and renewable for two more after paying more fees.

Leaving the country meant turning in the FM# and certifying we were leaving no debts behind and no outstanding legal affairs (warrants, tickets or liens) before our household goods were released to customs.

It was a real adventure and If any of our senators or congressmen went through it once they would have a different attitude toward Mexico.

The Mexican Government uses its vast military and police forces to keep its citizens intimidated and compliant. They never protest at their White House or government offices but do protest daily in front of the United States Embassy. The US embassy looks like a strongly reinforced fortress and during most protests the Mexican Military surround the block with their men standing shoulder to shoulder in full riot gear to protect the Embassy. These protests are never shown on US or Mexican TV. There is a large public park across the street where they do their protesting. Anything can cause a protest such as proposed law changes in California or Texas.

Please feel free to share this with everyone who thinks we are being hard on illegal immigrants

Confessions

2006-05-18T21:31:00.000-04:00

Okay, confession time. Not only have I not updated in loooong time...I was actually considering de-activating my blog. I find that working two jobs is rather all-consuming. But with several minutes to myself, I am reconsidering--perhaps I will update, instead.

My 43-year-old, formerly drug-addicted husband just successfully completed his first semester (in many years) of full-time college in preparation for becoming a certified medical lab technician. I am so proud!

My 18-year-old daughter just successfully completed her freshman year of college, too, and with a 3.0 average! She plans to become a high school English teacher.

We are still living with my in-laws. Not the most ideal situation, but I just have to remind myself to keep my eyes on the prize and don't sweat the small stuff.

My only real concern at this point is that my daughter (she is 18, remember?) has become infatuated with a 33-year-old divorced man from Illinois, with a drug problem. She has been communicating with him via phone, chat, webcam and email. And she talks to his mother and his children as well. She thinks all of this contact means that she "knows" him. And, she thinks because he allowed himself to be put into rehab for a couple of days he is "recovered". She wanted to go visit him (at his expense). I flatly forbid her to go. Sure, she is an adult and could have gone anyway. But I told her she would park the car at home (it's in my name), and all of her funding would dry up if she went to see him. (It's scholarship money, but I manage it.) She was angry at first, but she got over it.

Then, I told her that it would be better for him to spend that money on a ticket for himself, so he could visit her here and we could all meet him and judge for ourselves what kind of a guy he was.
She was satisfied with that, and says that he is agreeable, but it hasn't happened yet. Will keep you posted....

And, I reminded her, without mincing words, not to forget the hell we all lived through during her dad's various drug addictions. Trouble is, while she was aware that there were drug-related problems, she probably never knew the extent of them. The times when our utilities were disconnected, however briefly, because daddy spent the bill money on dope and had to borrow some more. The times when he was "coming down" off of one thing or another, and we got into horrendous and sometimes physical fights. The times when he told us that he was "working late" (but was really laid up at someone's house getting fucked up). She wasn't even born during the worst of it--the cocaine and the methamphetamine addictions--thank goodness.

I will try not to let so much time go by next time.

Ciao!

LET FREEDOM RING

2006-04-09T17:13:00.000-04:00

Okay, this won't get an elaborate preamble. It came to me in an email. It's blunt, but really not far off the mark AT ALL! (Please visit the link in the title! We need a fence, and we need it NOW!)

If you are ready for the adventure of a lifetime, TRY THIS:

Enter Mexico illegally. Never mind immigration quotas, visas, international law, or any of that nonsense.

Once there, demand that the local government provide free medical care for you and your entire family.

Demand bilingual nurses and doctors.

Demand free bilingual local government forms, bulletins, etc. Procreate abundantly.

Deflect any criticism of this allegedly irresponsible reproductive behavior with, "It is a cultural U.S.A.thing. You would not understand, pal."

Keep your American identity strong. Fly Old Glory from your rooftop, or proudly display it in your front window or on your car bumper.

Speak only English at home and in public and insist that your children do likewise.

Demand classes on American culture in the Mexican school system.

Demand a local Mexican driver license. This will afford other legal rights and will go far to legitimize your unauthorized, illegal, presence in Mexico

Drive around with no liability insurance and ignore local traffic laws.

Insist that local Mexican law enforcement teach English to all its officers.

Good luck! You'll be demanding for the rest of time or soon be dead. Because it will never happen. It will not happen in Mexico or any other country in the world except right here in the United States, Land of the Naive, Stupid, Idiotic, and Politically Correct.

Way Over the Line

2006-03-29T21:38:00.000-04:00

It has become something of an obsession.

The following column appeared in our local newspaper this past Sunday, and I cannot get over the sheer conceit and immaturity being demonstrated by the EDITOR . The Editor! I keep wondering what kind of impression this would make on a person from out of town, who might pick up a newspaper to explore job prospects or housing opportunities. What would they think if they read this??? A newspaper is often the first contact potential new residents make with a community before deciding to relocate.

Anyway, I was offended and embarrassed for the community by the content:

Xxxxxxx's Wisdom: No more wisdom is needed

By XXXXXXX X. XXXXXXX

Editor

Since I've subjected my readers to my inane, though brilliant, ramblings in every Sunday issue for the last year, I think it's finally time to admit something.

I have no more wisdom to give.

Realistically, I ran out of wisdom about six months ago and I've just been blathering my way through the last 25 or so columns.

To keep going I need something that would spark my artistic creativity - because obviously this is art.

I can't imagine there's anyone who's read all of my ramblings as they've ranged in topic from an elaborate analysis of the second episode of a summer music-reality show to begging for votes in the Chamber of Commerce Business of the Year contest - which we didn't win, not that I'm bitter.

Most of my better columns usually start in longhand in a notebook I keep on my night-table - just like this one did - but some memorable rants, including ones about Burger King and Thanksgiving, were written on the newspaper page.

I generally figure out a topic early in the week and then work out the basic structure and main points of my entertaining little essays in my head. This usually takes a few days but I put it off like a visit to the dentist right after my birthday.

And just as I do on every birthday, I'm going to turn to hip hop to liven things up.

I've decided to start a beef.

I'm going to start calling out names and pointing out who needs to step their column-writing game up - just like 2Pac and 50 Cent taught me.

While there are plenty of big names that I think I can hang with - Jim Litke, Michael Reagan, ... well maybe there aren't that many big name columnists - I'd rather go after someone for whom I have some respect. That means I'll probably have to put off responding to (another columnist's) very special brand of incoherent, Plan D-fueled rants for quite a while.

Instead I want to go after the shining star of the (neighboring town's newspaper) staff- Mr. Xxxx Xxxxx.

I don't remember what he calls his little column, but it should be called Xxxxx' Wisdom because it's a direct knock-off of mine. Obviously it's not as good as mine, but it's not bad for a rookie.

To prove my superiority, I'm going to start jacking his topics and then rewriting them - better - for my column.

This will continue until he either gives up writing his little column or admits, in writing, that he is my disciple.

Since I have something special on slate for next week, I'm going to give him an extra week to get scared and give up.

Peace out.

Okay, so now it's your turn. Am I overreacting? Is it asking too much for me to expect this guy to come unstuck on himself and turn his literary brilliance to matters with slightly more substance, such as the upcoming vote on whether to allow alcohol sales.

It Is Well With My Soul

2006-03-19T22:28:00.000-04:00

Today, I feel a peace that I haven't felt for a long time. I am tired--even my bones are tired--yet for the time being, I am content. I know that God is working on me, and He isn't finished with me yet. My struggles with my personal demons are but one step in the tempering process that will produce the finished steel of the highest quality. If I can make it through this period of my life (where I am middle-aged and living with my in-laws so that I can work two jobs to put my middle-aged husband through college), I know will become a stronger person. I have certainly "been through the fire" as the saying goes. Multiple instances of drug addiction since high school, some sporadic physical abuse, spouse's job losses, death of close family members, etc. It was quite a blessing for law enforcement to have intervened when they did--although at the time, it certainly felt like a "crash and burn" moment.

I consider it a gift that God gave me the strength to follow through with my committment to my marriage. "Till death do us part" is a long damn time. But would He have wanted me to abandon my committment when the going got rough? (And believe me--it got ROUGH.) I think not, if only for my daughter's sake. Speaking of whom, it is indeed another gift that she has become the strong young woman she is today. She, too, has been through much. I tried with all I had to shield her from the very worst of what was happening, but she knew. She could see for herself how drugs were affecting her dad. She never used what was happening to us as an excuse not to do her very best, when she could have easily done so. Now, I have almost no fear that she will have a burning desire to experiment with drugs/alcohol--she has already seen first-hand what they will do to you. And it ain't pretty.

Which brings me to the now. I know now that what I have been working for all my life is this moment, when all is laid bare and there is no more hiding from the truth. We have hit rock bottom and have started back up. It won't be easy, but with God as my co-pilot, I can reach my destination...I have found peace.

Today I count my blessings and pray for continued strength . It is well with my soul.

The Random Rant

2006-03-05T22:54:00.000-04:00

Here is a random rant for you. It's a "pressure release" mechanism for trying not to let all the little things get me down. This was a decidedly UN-relaxing weekend.

Saturday, my daughter called and said her car had overheated. (You will remember that she is in college at LSU in Baton Rouge--a good 3 1/2 hour drive, one way.) Okay, so I get on the internet and find repair shops and towing services in Baton Rouge. But it's too late in the evening for any of them to be open. So I tell her to make sure the people who own the parking lot where she stopped the car know that she will have to leave her car there overnight.

Then, a member of our Sunday School class calls to tell us that there is a potluck dinner right after church. It will be fun, it always is, but I don't have anything to make a lucky pot of. So a trip to WallyWor.ld is a must. NOT fun.

Get home. Bake a casserole. Go to bed.

Get up. Go to church. Run home to change clothes. Go to the potluck dinner. Run back home, get laundry started. Get on the phone to try to arrange towing/repair for the car, call daughter and tell her of the arrangements. Squeeze in a 45 minute nap. Get up , put laundry in the dryer. Eat hamburgers husband grilled for supper. Take laundry out of the dryer, fold, and put away. Load the dishwasher and clean the counters.

Decide to update blog (at last a minute to MYSELF!).

I realize that I have absolutely NO idea whether anything earth-shaking has happened over the last two days. I'm sure they are still fighting in Iraq, as they have been for CENTURIES. There are still political scandals simmering, and crimes of all kinds being committed. And all I can think about is what kind of week I will have at my two jobs and how much the car repair is going to cost.

Seems like we just can't catch a break...

The Long Lost "Sister"

2006-02-26T23:27:00.000-04:00

Yeah, it's been awhile. It's been real crazy, since I took this (second) job. Now, I wonder if I have stepped over the line as far as what I am capable of. I have never been quite so tired in all my life. I once went through a tough period when I had to have three jobs, but I am *several* years older and I am afraid that having two jobs is going to kick my butt. We shall see...

But I didn't come to whine. I came to tell you a story about the Long Lost "Sister". When I was 7 or 8 years old, my parents took in a newborn cousin of mine to raise until her mother became able to care for her again. When she was 5 1/2 years old, her mother came for her and I never saw her again. My brother recently found a reference expressing her sympathy for our mother's death on an abandoned weblog of hers. I posted a comment--even though the blog was obviously not being actively maintained--and was really surprised when she emailed me! I had always wondered whatever became of her. It's been really weird. Like finding a long-lost "sister" after more than 30 years!!! I can't tell you how happy I am to have made contact with her! She lives in Missouri and has four children--one of whom is the same age as my daughter.

The link I provided in the title will take you to her current website, Antiquated and Obsessed, where she has posted some photos I sent her from the time she lived with us. Check out her Feb. 20, 2006 entry. (Don't laugh too hard at my glasses--remember the photos were taken in the early 1970's!!)

Now What?

2006-02-14T22:20:00.000-04:00

I got the job...NOW WHAT? My rational mind knows that without this second job, we are never going to make it. My heart says "What the hell have you done???" My hubby is in college full-time and spending around $90/week to commute. My salary pays our cellular bill, his probation and parole costs, our storage unit costs, car insurance on three cars, and two credit card bills. Last month, we also had to pay a speeding ticket. This month, no speeding ticket...but a car repair bill and a tire replacement. And prescriptions to the tune of $100/month.

I need this job. But can I handle it? When I was younger, I once held three jobs. I know for a fact I wouldn't be able to do that, now.

I'm very tired. And I still have laundry to fold/hang up from the dryer and the dishwasher to unload. Please remember me in your prayers.

In Small Town, 'Grease' Ignites a Culture War

2006-02-11T03:08:00.000-04:00

In Small Town, 'Grease' Ignites a Culture War - New York Times

I read this story with great sadness. I was sure I lived in the very last "head-in-the-sand" community in America. I was wrong.

Wake-up, Fulton! Banning this play or that stage production is NOT going to prevent teenagers from experimenting with drugs (including your basic legal ones, cigarettes and alcohol) and it isn't going to stop them from what we used to call "fooling around", our generation's outdated term for having sex. It's going to happen, unless you cloister every teen until they reach the age of majority. (Resourceful ones, though, would still find a way...)

So, here's what I suggest. Encourage this teacher to continue to produce high-quality productions. Then, in the privacy of your homes and churches discuss why certain behaviors depicted in movies, plays, and on television should be avoided. But don't fall into the trap of trying to prevent undesirable activities by limiting what can be presented through creative outlets. Because, guess what? Those activities are going to happen ANYWAY. And, trying to ban the activity by banning the productions that portray it is evidence of what a truly small-minded community you really are. (Not unlike the rural Louisiana town where I live. I would expect that from parent groups and religious organizations in my area.)

Get over it. And get your collective heads out of the sand!

What a LONG, STRANGE Trip It's Been...

2006-02-01T19:40:00.000-04:00

Crazy...that's me!

Now I will fill you in on what's been going on. I just came from a job interview for a part-time job after work. (Go ahead and say it. I'm crazy and I know it.) I think I got the job, as an after-school tutor. It will only be for a couple of hours each day, so it won't be too bad. And the pay is out of this world. $15/hour! That's more per hour than I make at my primary job--I make $9.25/hour there, but I'm not about to give up that job. I worked too hard to GET it!

The reason I seem to have taken leave of my senses is that spouse has gone back to college full-time. Fully paid for by Vocational Rehabilitation. (Did you know that drug addiction is a disability? And he found out last summer that he is a diabetic, also a disability.) He is working on finishing his Associate of Science degree, so that he can become a certified medical laboratory technician. He only has about a year to go, with the college credits he already had on his transcripts.

But that leaves us in dire straits financially, especially given the fines and probation costs we now have to pay every month, hence my needing a second job. Also, it goes without saying that we will be living with his parents awhile longer.

I can do this, I know.

So, the roller coaster of life makes another twist. (I always hated roller coasters, though.)

And that line from "Truckin'" by the Grateful Dead is stuck in my head:

WHAT A LONG, STRANGE TRIP IT'S BEEN...

Global Warming

2006-01-29T16:11:00.000-04:00

Global Warming has been "pooh-poohed" for as long as I can remember. But hear this: It is January 29. And it is 74 degrees right now, at 2:15 p.m. Midwinter! You can't tell me that Global Warming is a myth!

I remember when I was a kid, when the parish fair rolled around every year in October, we had to wear jackets because we were feeling that first "nip" in the air. And January and February invariably brought plenty of cold wind and rain, but also some ice and the occasional snow flurry. And every few years, we would even have enough snow for an inch or so to accumulate.

Those days--for better or worse--appear to be gone.

The 2005 hurricane season set lots of records. The most named storms in a year and the most actual hurricanes. The highest death toll from Katrina, one of the two major storms to hit our state. (The other being Rita, which of course has been forgotten because it did not flood a major metropolis and result in serious loss of life.)

I predict that the 2006 hurricane season will make 2005 look like a walk in the park. "Why?", you ask. It's because Global Warming has so disturbed the natural cycle of cooling and heating, that the warm waters of the Gulf of Mexico have never cooled sufficiently this winter to prevent monster storms from forming. Mark my words--it's gonna be a doozie!

Another kind of fallout is that it's going to be the worst season ever for mosquitoes and the dreaded West Nile Virus. We depend upon cold weather to keep the mosquito population in check. It just hasn't happened this year (or for the last several, in fact).

And on a personal note, I feel like I've been gypped. I LOVE cold weather. I don't get to enjoy any bracing cold air anymore, ever. Oh, it's "comfortable" enough right now. Maybe I shouldn't complain. But I really like feeling the icy air flowing deep into my lungs. Frosty mornings really gave me great joy. I've seen 2 so far this winter. ***Sighs***

Later, people...

Life is Short

2006-01-24T21:45:00.000-04:00

Have you ever snorted so much cocaine that your nose bled? And been in debt to the supplier for several thousand dollars, promising him the moon so he would "front" you a little more to try to sell it for his money? Have you ever been on your hands and knees looking at every white speck on the floor, hoping that it would turn out to be a rock that could be put into a crack pipe and smoked?

I have. It was horrible. I feel extremely privileged to have lived to tell about it. God isn't finished with us, yet.

Now in our forties, drugs dominated our entire adult lives. Alcohol, pot, cocaine, crystal meth, diet pills, crack cocaine, and narcotic painkillers. Law enforcement finally stepped in last year and put a stop to it. My husband and daughter are both full-time college students, now! (Praise God!) We are living with my husband's parents while he finishes his Associate of Science degree, so he can become a certified medical laboratory technician. For the very first time in my life, I feel cautiously optimistic.

God is good. Please continue to keep us in your prayers.

Legislating Morality

2006-01-22T15:10:00.000-04:00

Nowhere in the Bible is drinking (alcohol) condemned. Jesus Christ, himself, turned water into wine in one of his first miracles. Public drunkenness and drinking to excess, however, are considered sins...

I begin this post in this way to justify my utter disgust that the proposition which would have allowed alcohol sales in the extreme eastern district of our parish was defeated. In typical "head-in-the-sand" fashion, the church groups got together and convinced enough people that allowing alcohol sales would produce a spike in the number of alcohol-related traffic accidents and fatalities. Not to mention that allowing the sale of alcoholic beverages would likely make it more easily obtainable by underage teenagers.

HOGWASH!!

Banning the sale of alcohol NEVER kept anyone from drinking...they just have to drive to the next parish and spend their tax dollars THERE, instead! And the underage teens who want to drink are still going to sneak into their parents' liquor cabinet and do it!!

What banning alcohol sales WILL do is keep this area economically depressed. No chance of new entertainment businesses rolling in needing to hire new employees, is there? And "entertainment" doesn't have to mean strip clubs. Family restaurants that also sell alcohol enjoy greater revenue flow than those that don't. A few local nightclubs featuring rock or country music might actually keep impaired drivers from having to travel long distances home.

But maybe that's the goal of these radical religious groups...control of the population by controlling their options for recreation?? (We don't even get to have a movie theater!)

It's really quite sad.

The American Judicial System

2006-01-16T12:27:00.000-04:00

I just watched the most disturbing video on the news of teenage boys beating a homeless man. Some of the boys involved are now in police custody.

My question is: Why does there have to be a trial??

At taxpayer expense, we are going to see some slick attorney try to convince a jury that these boys are not guilty of something that was captured quite clearly on videotape! Or that there were "mitigating circumstances" which led up to the incident.

BALONEY! The founding fathers, when they designed our system of trial by jury, did so to protect innocent people accused and charged with crimes based on purely circumstantial evidence.

They never dreamed that a device might be created that captured images of crimes in progress--namely, the video camera. I believe if they had envisioned such a thing, they would have made changes in our judicial system. Someone who is caught in the act or who has been
captured on videotape committing a crime can be presumed guilty without the need for a lengthy trial at taxpayer expense. *In other words--innocent until proven guilty would NOT APPLY!! A trial, then, would serve the sole purpose of determining what a fair punishment would be!

I like it. What do you think??

Suicide by Cop

2006-01-15T18:57:00.000-04:00

By now, you've all heard the news about the 8th grader who was shot by SWAT team members. The news media has picked up on the fact that the boy's parents tried to tell police that the gun was very likely a fake. And like the rabid dogs they are, they just won't let go. They are determined to try to make it look like the SWAT officers, through an error in judgement, caused the death of an innocent young man.

But let's focus for a moment on the actions of the law enforcement officers. They saw a young man brandishing what looked like a 9mm pistol. He pointed it at classmates, he pointed it at himself, he pointed it at officers...and he was shot. Which is what had to happen. Because he painted over the markings designed to identify it as a non-lethal weapon; and it was assumed that the pistol was real and that he intended to use it to kill someone. It is irrelevant whether the parents "suspected" it was a pellet pistol. The cops would have been negligent had they NOT taken the action that they did, especially had the gun been real and others died because of it. They did their jobs and whether we like it or not, they did their jobs WELL.

Why on earth would this young man paint over the markings on the barrel of the gun that were designed to identify it as a non-lethal weapon???

Because he was suicidal. He wanted to die. And therein lies the true tragedy. No one--not the parents, his teachers, or his friends-- saw any warning signs that would have enabled them to get this boy the help he needed. My prayers for peace and comfort are with them in their tremendous loss.

But I have also offered up a prayer on behalf of the SWAT officer who pulled the trigger. He will never forget that he shot a young man for pointing a pellet pistol in his direction. He did what he had to do. And I hope that he knows how much we appreciate a job well done. May God grant him peace within his soul, too. He did the right thing--the ONLY thing that could have been done in that terrible and difficult situation.

God bless you, sir.

It's All a Big Mystery...

2006-01-07T01:39:00.000-04:00

It's all a big mystery...why do bad things happen to good people? That's been the question for all millenia. I felt so much sorrow for the families of the 12 miners who were killed in the mining accident this week--talk about being jerked around. ("Miscommunication", my ass.) Also, I think the mine owners should be brought up on charges if the investigation reveals that the 200+ safety violations had gone uncorrected...that would make them guilty of negligent homicide.

What a way to start 2006!

My first week of the new year was not bad at all. I got to see my father and brother for several days right before New Year's Day, and they were both doing well. My dad has become quite a good cook since my mom died. He had turkey and dressing waiting for us when we got there! I was really impressed. Now, when I got back to work, I had to play "catch-up" but even that wasn't too awful. Got most of it done, and what I had to leave undone will be there when I get back after the weekend, won't it?

I just haven't had a chance to bring my blog up to date on some things: Right before Christmas, my husband had his final court appearance on his drug charges. In October, he pled guilty and was admitted into an intensive program called "Drug Court". It involves court-ordered meetings 3 evenings each week, including urine testing at least once each week, AND an appearance before a judge 1 morning each week to discuss the urine screen and other issues related to recovery, AND must make 3 NA or AA meetings each week. Pretty intense. But his actual sentencing was 2 days before Christmas. He was given 5 years at hard labor, suspended, 5 years of supervised probation and fines totaling around $2500. And he has to continue and successfully complete all three phases of "Drug Court". If he does ALL of these things, they will remove the felony conviction from his record.

And so, life goes on....(but at least now, we have hit rock bottom and started back up!)

It's All a Big Mystery...

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